ast month in this space, the great biblical principle of minding one's own business was discussed and applied. One area of application concerned the differences of opinion which exist between those Christians who home school, and those who have their children in a private Christian school.
Because the education of children is a very important issue to those parents who take their responsibilities seriously, convictions on both sides can run really deep. And where the principle of minding one's own business is not applied, disagreements are truly destructive. Where there is obedience, there will always be harmony. On issues such as this, Christians must learn to disagree agreeably. This learning involves the cultivation of attitudes and inculcation of behaviors. In what follows we have described several areas where parents on both sides of this pedagogical debate can apply this principle, as well as make it easier for other parents to apply.
At the heart of this attitude is a Christlike humility which demonstrates first, a respect for biblical boundaries, and second, an openness to wisdom from whatever source God uses to dispense it, even if the source happens to be someone with whom we disagree. The boundaries referred to are those creaturely limitations of our knowledge and authority. Because our knowledge of any situation is limited to that of outward appearances, we are in no position to impute motives to the actions of other parents; therefore, do not impute motives. If you catch yourself thinking, "If Mr. Smith were really dedicated to parent-controlled education, he wouldn't have his kids in a private school", then you are imputing motives. If you find yourself saying, "If Mr. Smith were really the head of his house, he wouldn't let his wife talk him into home schooling", then you are imputing motives. It is a sin to impute motives (Rom. 14:10).
In like manner, our sphere of authority as a parent is restricted to the circle of our own children. Neither other children nor their parents are accountable to you, so respect the sphere of authority of other parents, and mind your own business. Those parents are accountable to the Lord, and He is certainly capable of teaching and disciplining His own. The Bible clearly teaches that we have no right to judge the servant of another.
A self-governed Christian who has his heart right on this matter will proceed to govern his relations with others in like fashion. Just as parents respect biblical boundaries in their thoughts and attitudes, so they must train their offspring to do likewise by parental example, instruction, and discipline. Children are no more immune to an arrogant party spirit than are adults; they are fully capable of taking bad attitudes picked up around your dinner table out into the wide world. It is a folly which must be driven far from them.
Where the violation of biblical courtesy first disrupts the fellowship of the saints is not usually within the family, but between families. Although we have said it before, the following bears repeating; parents who take their responsibilities seriously regard the education of their children to be a very important issue. After considering the possible alternatives, the circumstances of their family, and the particular needs of their children, the parents make a decision on the wisest schooling choice. Any discussion with them regarding that choice must take their efforts seriously, and place the best construction on their reasons for doing so. For the home-schooler to say to the private-schooler, "How can you possibly deal with all the peer influence your child gets at school?" or for the private-schooler to say to the home-schooler, "How can you possibly cover all those subjects at the necessary level of competence?" is at best, graceless, and at the worst, quarrelsome and malicious. Do your discussions with other parents about schooling options build up, encourage, and impart grace, or do they do something else? Is your conversation gracious? Another area to watch is conversations with parents in the process of deciding what to do. Are you a help, or an arm-twister? "You're not going to home school, are you?" "You're not going to send your kids off to school, are you?"
You can also tell that your heart is wrong if your reaction to any failures of the "other side" is one of gladness. Unfortunately, there are home schools and private Christian schools which are spiritual and educational stretcher-cases. When evidence of this crosses your path, do you ache because of the failure? Or do you say, "See?" When a home schooled child enrolls in a Christian school, and he is far behind the other students, how do the teachers react? When a student at a Christian school gets pregnant, how is that news received by the home schoolers? This is not to say that we should whitewash the failures (which is what we tend to do when confronted with the failures of "our" team). Rather, we should rejoice with those who rejoice, and weep with those who weep. Even if you would never say anything "out of line," you need to be intolerant of comments you hear which don't evidence the same restraint.
Finally, homeschooling and private schooling families are more frequently finding themselves in the position of guests of the other, institutionally speaking. For example, the explosive growth and visibility in home schooling materials has given private schooling parents access to materials for after-school, remedial, or summertime activity. They may find themselves at homeschool conventions or involved with local homeschool networks. Likewise, more homeschooling parents are finding private Christian schools as good places to purchase testing services or some specialized instruction. A good thing to remember in such situations is that there are few things more obnoxious than a difficult guest.
