ow Eli was very old; and he heard everything his sons did to all Israel, and how they lay with the women who assembled at the door of the tabernacle of meeting. So he said to them, "Why do you do such things? For I hear of your evil dealings from all the people. No, my sons! For it is not a good report that I hear. You make the Lord's people transgress." . . . Nevertheless they did not heed the voice of their father. . . (1 Samuel 2:2225).
Was the behavior of Eli's sons inconsistent with their upbringing? After all, they were raised in the tabernacle what better environment could there be for raising young people? In spite of this, the text reveals important factors which indicate that Eli's sons were not brought up well.
Notice that the detestable practices of his sons were not apparent to Eli until he was an old man. Furthermore, he did not witness his sons' public sin himself, instead he heard about it from someone else ("it is not a good report that I hear"). Eli fell far short of his responsibility for the oversight and discipline of his sons, a pattern that had apparently continued for years. Eli was an unfaithful father, and the judgment of God fell on him accordingly (1 Sam. 2:27ff). And at the very least, he provided a poor example for Samuel, whose sons also turned out badly (1 Sam. 8:1-3).
Sadly, many parents today shun their parental responsibilities just as Eli did. This is clearly evidenced by the thriving day care industry and overcrowded public schools. Evangelicals bemoan this breakup of the "traditional family" and call for a return to "profamily values." It is ironic that many vocal proponents of "profamily values" advance "solutions" that are either political or ecclesiastical. But this does not face the heart of the problem. The breakup of the family isn't due to a deterioration of our legislators' values, but rather to a deterioration of fatherly values.
Scripture clearly places the responsibility for child rearing on fathers: "And you, fathers, do not provoke your children to wrath, but bring them up in the training and admonition of the Lord" (Ephesians 6:14). Many parents feel that they are "doing their job" by seeing their children off to youth group on Wednesday nights. Most do little or nothing more, and thus fall far short of what God demands of them as parents. Fathers are responsible for directly overseeing their children in spiritual matters a responsibility which cannot be delegated to a youth pastor. Today we speak well of parents who support church youth activities, but they ought to have much more than a supporting role.
Effective youth ministry is the father's task; he has the responsibility to establish a godly atmosphere in the home. Fathers must be leaders in worship, prayer, reading and studying the Bible, and in fellowship with other saints. Moses demanded that the fathers of Israel rear their children in an environment of God's law; its majesty was to be plainly manifest to them everywhere they turned (Deut. 6:69). This standard remains, and fathers today are required to meet it. If children do not come face to face with God in every aspect of their lives, their fathers, through abdication, are bringing them up in practical atheism.
Where does this leave the modern church youth ministry? When fathers are doing what they ought to be doing, youth ministry as we know it has no place. Where fathers have abandoned their responsibility, churches should not focus on the abandoned children, but rather on the fathers. This is to be approached in three areas:
First, the elders of the church should provide other fathers with examples of godly child-rearing in their own households. Elders with harmonious households and faithful children are required in the body of Christ (1 Tim. 3:45; Titus 1:6). As elders practice their fatherhood biblically, they will grow better equipped to work with and teach other fathers (Heb. 5:14). Witnessing biblical family life at work provides a great encouragement to cultivate it in one's own home.
Second, fathers should be taught their responsibilities in the home and how they might be practically met. This requires a great deal of labor in the Scriptures for all men in the body, beginning with the elders. Fathers are shepherds in the home, and must acquaint themselves with the Word of God in order to lead their families in worship, doctrinal instruction, prayer and Bible study. Attention to this responsibility should constantly be brought to fathers when the believers gather. Diligence in this area produces fruit. And because it is diligence that is biblically mandated, it produces fruit that lasts.
Third, biblical standards of fatherhood must be established and protected. Our cultural revolt against maturity tempts us to lower our standards for child rearing. We may think we are doing well as long as we do better than the pagan world around us, but God never patterns His norms after human culture. Standards are established and maintained in the church by looking to God's Word, not by looking at the world. God demands obedience of fathers, and anything short of obedience is sin. The saints must have the courage to practice encouragement, admonishment, and rebuke within the church whenever biblical standards of fatherhood are not met.
Most importantly, it must be remembered that godly families are a gift from the Lord they are the result of His gracious work. Apart from the work of the Holy Spirit, no youth program or strategy for fatherhood will amount to anything.
"Children are a heritage from the Lord . . . Happy is the man who has his quiver full of them" (Ps. 127:3,5).
