ives, how do you view your husbands? Have you ever stopped to think about how you view your husband, and how that view affects him and affects you?
Now exactly what do I mean by view? View means perspective. Perhaps the view from your window is of a dreary parking lot, or perhaps it is a lovely view of the hills or a garden. Sometimes people with a lovely view take it for granted -- they fail to appreciate it. Instead, they only see weeds and uneven ground. Likewise, some with dreary views lift their eyes to the beautiful sky above, and find that they can be thankful for their view afterall.
So what is your perspective when you look at your husband? When you think of him, when you speak to him, when you pray for him, what is your view? Is it a biblical view? Or is it a humanistic view, tainted by the modern world's views on marriage and homemaking and husbandry? And what is the biblical view of husbands anyway?
In the Song of Solomon we see a delightful view of the beloved: Like an apple tree among the trees of the woods, so is my beloved among the sons (2:3). When you think of your husband, is he an apple tree in the forest? He should be. Or do you see one tree in the forest, dwarfed by many other imposing trees of great stature? Perhaps you need to adjust your view.
First you must view your husband as your head. His authority as your head is established in God's Word. Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, as also Christ is head of the church; and He is the Savior of the body. Therefore, just as the church is subject to Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything (Eph. 5:22-24).
I would like to emphasize the following two words in the above passage: own and everything. We are to view our own husband as our head. Men are not the head of women, but husbands are the head of their own wives. A woman is not to submit to other men, but to her own head. A woman must not view other men as her head, but only her own husband. This is important. My husband is my head. I must go to my own head, submit to my own head in all things. I must not run to someone else's head for counsel and help before I first go to my own!
Once when my husband and I were speaking with a couple, the woman asked my husband a question that seemed innocent enough. But I could tell by the man's expression that she had already asked him, and that he had already given to her his answer. She must have been unsatisfied with his answer or she would not have been asking for another opinion. What if my husband had given an answer contrary to the one given by her head? That would have put her in a position of wanting to submit to my head and not her own. I pointed out to her that she had dishonored her head by asking my husband what she had already asked her own. Instead, she should have asked her husband if it would be all right to get another opinion on the issue. Then she would not have been setting up a potential different ways. Sometimes they fall to it by reading Christian books or listening to Christian teachers. "But surely that cannot be wrong," you say. Yes, it is, if they begin to look to someone else as their head. Women are readily deceived. What a great protection to have a head to submit to, rather than being swayed by our own emotions, whims, and fears. A woman must cultivate a very high view of her head, the position God has given him over her, as well as the authority God has given him. When we adopt a high view, submission is seen in an entirely different light. Submitting to someone whom God has placed over us with loving authority is a relief, not a burden.
The second word is everything. Hmmmmm. What does everything mean exactly? Maybe we can get out of this by examining the word in the Greek . . .
When we begin to see that God's commands for us result in our good, that He has in His divine wisdom provided a perfect plan for marriage, then our fear of submission will diminish. We need to see submission to our own head as a means of our protection and a means to our happiness.
Of course some will immediately think of extreme cases where submission would be impossible. I am not talking about submitting to your husband if he tells you to violate God's express commands. I am talking about everyday submission. Submission means the act of yielding or surrendering, deferring, giving way. It is a positive thing, not a negative thing. We are to be obedient to our own husbands as it says in Titus 2:5. This means in all things. Yes, regarding the household, the finances, the children's discipline, education, and training, and so forth. What does your head think about these things? How does he want you to handle situations that arise? Does he want you to ask your parents, in-laws, friends, or church elders before you ask him?
We need to cultivate a high view of our husbands and a high view of their God-given jobs. Begin to view your husband as an apple tree in the forest. He is one of a kind and God has prepared special work for him to do. You have the privilege of being God's appointed helper for him. Have a high view of this calling and a biblical view of your responsibilities associated with this calling. Your view will improve as you apply God's teaching. Your husband will appreciate your obedience and be set free to live up to all God has called him to be.
You will find yourself living in a home with a lovely view.
