either a borrower, nor a lender be;
For loan oft loses both itself and friend,
And borrowing dulls the edge of husbandry . . .
Shakespeare
We have been discussing the problem of abdication in the home. Although God has established the man as the husband of the family, there are many Christian men who have, in a wedding ceremony, assumed the label without assuming the responsibilities and duties.
But God has created us male and female; consequently, such abdication on the part of men runs contrary to the way we are created. As a result, disobedience of this nature in the home generates a fundamental and deep-seated guilt on the part of the husband. Now when men feel guilty for something, and they do not seek the Lord in repentance, they will always seek for a way to atone for their guilt on their own. If the payment of Christ for sin is not being consciously trusted, the natural reaction for men in sin is to look for some way to make the payment themselves. Apart from faith in the Guilt Offering, men will invent and multiply various other guilt offerings. These alternative guilt offerings are commonly financial, and in a world of easy credit, it is easy for an abdicating husband to get into serious financial trouble.
The problem is two-fold. First, husbands who have abdicated generally will also have a tendency to abdicate when it comes to setting financial limits for their households. They consequently allow their wives to spend beyond the family's resources; this allowance is a subset of the larger problem of abdication. Because the husband is afraid to say no on any issue, it makes sense when we see that he cannot say no on financial issues.
But the second aspect of this problem is even more serious. Husbands can often encourage their wives to spend beyond the family's resources. This encouragement is the result of the husband trying to palliate his guilt. When the husband is not providing for his wife's spiritual need for strong leadership, he can fall for the easy alternative of giving her things instead. The result is that guilty husbands, in this world of easy credit, are allowed the illusionary belief that they are far better providers than they actually are.
When an abdicating husband gives his wife the credit card, and sends her off to shop beyond their means, her purchases are a fitting symbol of her relationship with her husband — provision from the void. But for whatever reason, when goods are purchased with non-existent funds, there is larceny in the heart. Nevertheless, God still rules the world; thieves and rascals will come to slavery. It remains true that we reap what we sow.
The Bible teaches that the borrower becomes a slave to the lender (Prov. 22:7), and that Christians should not willingly become slaves (1 Cor. 7:23). Many men have come to this position of servitude outside the home because they had already come to that same position within the home.
It is certainly true that godly husbands serve their wives, but they do so with the authority of love and self-sacrifice. A true husband is one who gives himself away to his wife and family with authority. Our Lord Jesus had this servant's heart, but it did not remove His authority; it was the foundation of it. The servitude which comes from abdication is something else entirely.
Exercising responsibility as the head of a family takes diligence, work, and courage. The Bible teaches that doing a responsible job of leading in the home is a prerequisite for leadership in the church. . . . if a man does not know how to rule his own house, how will he take care of the church of God? (1 Tim. 3:5) Just as responsibility in the home prepares a man for responsibility elsewhere, so irresponsibility in the home will lead to irresponsibility outside — in this case to creditors.
The problem must be solved at the source. It is all too easy to lament the bills — as though they were a result of some astrological phenomenon. But they are not; they are the result of spending too much. And in the situation we have been discussing, too much money is spent because too little diligence is spent in husbandry.
As with all sin, the solution is repentance before God, and acknowledgment of that repentance to those who have been affected by the sin. In this case, a husband should confess his abdication to God as sin, and should have a long talk with his wife about how he has failed to be a true husband to her. But this, by itself, is not sufficient.
There will be no lasting change unless the husband sets himself to be a student of the Word of God — all of it.
Many turn the pages of the Bible as though they were going through a cafeteria line. But our responsibility is to be instructed in
the whole counsel of God (Acts 20:27). For heads of households, this study must certainly include the subject of debt and
finances. But many Christians reply that they want biblical solutions to their problems, but that they do not have the time to study
the Bible. This is rebellious nonsense; all of us, in every station of life, must live and die by the Word.
