or the husband is the head of the wife, as also Christ is head of the church . . . (Eph. 5:23)
We need to begin with a brief grammar lesson. When it comes to our reading of the Scripture, Christians frequently confuse indicatives and imperatives. An indicative is a statement of fact; there is no ought in it. An imperative, on the other hand, is a command; it tells us what we must do.
For example, if one were to say, "The book is on the table," this is a simple statement of fact. It is an indicative. But if someone else said, "Put the book on the table," this is a command -- an imperative.
The reason for making this distinction here is that a lot of Christians find themselves misunderstanding what the Bible is saying because they insist on turning indicatives into imperatives. If the Bible says believers are crucified with Christ, they turn this into a command to get crucified. If the Bible says that the old man is dead, they turn this into a command to die. When it comes to the gospel, carnal reason loves to make this mistake. What is the gospel but the Great Indicative? Faithful preachers proclaim what God has already done in the cross to save sinners, while unfaithful preachers try to turn the gospel message into something sinners may do to earn salvation.
The same grammatical confusion happens with the verse cited above. The Bible most empatically does not say that husbands ought to be the heads of their wives. It says that they are. In this verse, the apostle is not telling us how marriages ought to function (that comes in the verses following). Here he is telling us what the marriage relationship between husband and wife is. Marriage is defined as the headship of a husband over a wife.
This does not mean there is no imperative to the husband. In the verses following there is a very basic imperative indeed -- husbands are commanded to love their wives. But it is important to note that the husband is not commanded to be a head to his wife. This is because he already is, by the very nature of marriage, the head of his wife. If he does not love her, he is a poor head, but a head nonetheless.
Meditating on this could prove to be a very valuable thing for many husbands to do. Because the husband is the head of the wife, he finds himself in a position of inescapable leadership. He cannot successfully refuse to lead. If he attempts to do so, he may, through his rebellion, lead poorly. But no matter what he does, or where he goes, he does so as the head of his wife.
This is how God made marriage. He has constituted us as male and female in such a way as to ensure that men will always be dominant in marriage. If the husband is godly, then that dominance will not be harsh -- it will be characterized by the same self-sacrificial love demonstrated by Christ at the cross. If a husband tries to abdicate his headship, that abdication will dominate the home. If he catches a plane to the other side of the country, and stays there, he will dominate in and by his absence. How many children have grown up in a home dominated by the empty chair at the table? If the marriage is one in which the wife "wears the pants," the effeminacy of the husband is the most obvious thing about the marriage -- creating a miserable marriage. His abdication dominates.
These are difficult words. And even with the qualifications, and attempts to balance the teaching, I assume that a number of readers have reacted negatively to the word "dominance." The fact is that this is simply another testimony to how much the Christian church is influenced by the propaganda of feminism -- whether it be the man-hating secular variety or the sanitized, "evangelical" kind. Nevertheless, this dominance is a fact; the only choice we have in this regard concerns whether that dominance will be loving and constructive, or hateful and destructive.
Some husbands and wives want to argue with the headship of the husband in the home, which is like jumping off a cliff in order to argue with the law of gravity. Marshall your arguments on the way down however you like, you will eventually find yourself refuted with a thud.
However Christians compromise with feminism, the compromise cannot undo the indicative. How could it? God has built the headship of the husband into the very structure of marriage. But what this compromise can do, it does very well -- it brings in rebellion and sin. This keeps husbands from obeying the imperative, which is to love their wives. And so what is the result? We see husbands refusing to love their wives as instructed.
In this passage of Ephesians, Paul tells us that husbands, in this role as head, provide a picture of Christ and the church. Every marriage, everywhere in the world, is a picture of Christ and the church. Because of sin and rebellion, many of these pictures are slanderous lies. But a husband can never stop talking about Christ and the church. If he is obedient to God, he is preaching the truth; if he does not love his wife, he is speaking apostasy and lies -- but he is always talking. If he deserts his wife, he is saying that this is the way Christ deserts His bride -- a lie. If he is harsh with his wife and strikes her, he is saying that Christ is harsh with the church -- another lie. If he sleeps with another woman, he is an adulterer, and a blasphemer as well. How dare a faithless sinner slander the faithfulness of Christ to His bride?
At the same time, God through His wonderful grace has redeemed sinful men, and has by His Spirit made it possible for them to preach the truth. Not only may they preach the truth in the pulpit, they may also preach the truth at home. When this happens, it is wonderful to see. More than that, the Bible teaches that a man who does not preach this truth at home is not qualified to preach it anywhere outside the home. Now no husband preaches perfectly. But as the head of his wife, he does not have the option of silence.
As one who
cannot be silent, he must therefore speak the truth in love.
