foolish son is a grief to his father, and bitterness to her who bore him (Prov. 17:25).
Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord, the fruit of the womb is a reward. Like arrows in the hand of a warrior, so are the children of one's youth. Happy is the man who has his quiver full of them; they shall not be ashamed, but shall speak with their enemies in the gate (Ps. 127:3-5).
As many Christians recognize, our culture has a lousy attitude towards kids. Because this bad attitude is so apparent, some Christians have reacted to this sin and have come to maintain that large families are an unqualified blessing, no matter what. This is obviously much closer to the truth, but something is still missing.
It is true that large families can be a great blessing. So as the passage above makes clear, when we hear about a family with seven children, that is not grounds for rolling our eyes heavenward, and making snide comments. "Don't they know what causes this?" Unfortunately, such comments are frequently heard, even at church, and from Christians who have been thoroughly compromised by the world's hostile attitude towards children. They are going to have their allotted 1.7 children, pop the kids into daycare six weeks after birth, and pursue their dual careers.
It is good that more and more Christians are coming to see just how horrible this is. But there is another aspect to the issue that reactionary Christians do not see very well. The Bible teaches that children are a blessing -- or a curse. It follows that a large number of children are a large blessing -- or a large curse. When children are brought up in the Lord, and they walk with Him when they are grown, the blessing this brings to parents is unspeakable. And the more this happens, the better it is. Large obedient families are a blessing. But when the children are disobedient, the more there are, the worse it is. Samuel would not have been more greatly blessed if he had had five sons who took bribes instead of two.
The passage from the Psalms above is frequently cited by Christians as they talk about the blessings of family. But notice what the real blessing is. The psalm is not talking about the patter of little feet around the house (although of course that is nice). The psalm says that sons are like arrows to a man when he contends with his enemies. The blessing being referred to here is the blessing of grown sons, well brought up, and prepared for battle. This is the result of a man spending himself for several decades on his children. If a man has a large number of sons, and he has not reared them properly, he has a quiver full all right, but it is a quiver full of grief -- crooked and broken arrows.
What does it take to have a large number of children? All that is necessary is a physically mature male and female. What does it take to have a large blessing? Receiving the blessing the Bible associates with large families requires a great deal more. A commitment to the blessing of a large family means that a man
must also be committed to love, hard work, thoughtfulness, self-sacrifice, tenderness, and discipline over a period of many years.
But there are some husbands who think they have a commitment to the biblical view of family just because they are male, opinionated, and dislike condoms. These are the men who are headed for grief (in the form of fools for sons), and who are leading their wives into bitterness. Our Lord spoke of the folly of a man who undertook the building of a tower without the resources to complete the task. How much greater is the folly when the task undertaken is one that involves one's own family. Presumption in the conception of large numbers of children is no virtue. Unless the Lord builds the house, the one who labors builds in vain.
Of course, this is not advocacy of birth control, nor is it leading up to advocacy of birth control. It is the simple recognition that any biblical doctrine or teaching will always face a double threat. The first of course is the threat posed by those who resist and oppose the teaching. And the biblical teaching on the blessings of family are resisted, and resisted by many professing Christians. But we must guard ourselves against the common failure of fighting off the other fellow's temptations. If we accept the biblical teaching on large families, we must ask ourselves what our temptations will be.
This questioning is necessary because the second threat to any teaching is posed by those who profess to embrace it, and who then proceed to shipwreck it. No greater instrument of slander is given to those who resist the truth than when adherents of the "truth" do what any fool, saint, scoundrel, wise man, or high school sophomore can do (beget a child), and who then fail to bring that child up in the fear of the Lord. The former is easy and involves a good deal of pleasure. The latter is hard and involves a good deal of pain, Christlike sacrifice and love -- husbandry.
The Lord said that when someone stumbles a little one it would be better for him that a millstone be tied around his neck and he be thrown into the sea. What then are we to make of a male who begets little ones he will not teach, fathers children he will not feed, and sires offspring he will not pastor? As if one millstone were not enough, he has demanded more. The Lord is just and will grant his request.
When the severity of this situation is first appreciated, a natural temptation is to run off with our talent and bury it in the ground. Our Lord can appear at first to be a "hard master." We are tempted to respond to the Bible's teaching on family the same way Christ's disciples responded to His teaching on marriage -- "It is better not to be married!" We say (or perhaps think), "If this is the way it is, it is better not to have children!" But irresponsibility provides no refuge at all -- it does not matter if the irresponsibility is seen through no children or through an unshepherded seven children.
So this is not written to scare young couples away from the blessings of family. Rather, it is written to show that the blessing is not easy or automatic -- the Lord offers to bless us with much, and to whom much is given, much is required.
In issues to come we will offer suggestions on how a husband can encourage his wife in her child-bearing years, teaching on the
specific blessings of large families, and teaching on the specific problems and temptations of large families. We will also discuss whether it is
lawful for Christians to use birth control.
