hen the rib which the Lord God had taken from man He made into a woman, and He brought her to the man. And Adam said, "This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called woman, because she was taken out of man." Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh (Gen. 2:22-24).
In the West, wedding ceremonies have become a common function of the church. These events call to mind images of church bells, altars, and churchy phrases like "holy matrimony." Performing marriages has become an important duty for pastors, and many large churches have marriage committees to attend to ceremonies. The churchiness of the modern Christian wedding ceremony makes it a good subject for discussion in our Presbyterion column.
The first wedding ceremony recorded in Scripture seems to have been very brief. God brought the woman to Adam, who declared, "This is now bone of my bones . . ." In the references to Adam and Eve which follow, they are described as husband and wife.
Over the past few thousand years, weddings have become much more monumental than the earliest one. Christ's first miracle was performed at a wedding banquet, an occasion that was undoubtedly an important social event — well over one hundred gallons of wine were present! Modern literature on wedding etiquette claims that a "proper" wedding ceremony will cost five to ten thousand dollars. Tuxedos, professional photography, cakes, food, travel, flowers, limousines, facilities and catering produce a huge bill, and usually a very memorable event. But if their usage is not carefully thought out, such things can detract from what is most important.
What is a wedding about? Is it a daughter's send-off party? Is it the uniting of two families' assets? Is it a testimony to the affection of two people for one another? Weddings through the ages have been any or all of these. Each are legitimate causes for celebration. But are they part of a biblical wedding ceremony? Answering this question can be somewhat difficult because Scripture contains no mandate for wedding proceedings. Nowhere has God commanded that Clarke's Prince of Denmark March be played as a processional, nor does He forbid discussions of sex or inheritance.
A brief survey of Scripture will show that ceremonies which are a big production are not a necessary part of joining two people in wedlock. Consider the wedding of Isaac and Rebekah, each of whom were children of wealthy parents, who could have afforded an impressive ceremony. "Then Isaac brought her into his mother Sarah's tent; and he took Rebekah and she became his wife" (Gen. 24:67). Consider again another wedding ceremony that lacked opulence: "Now it came to pass in the evening, that he took Leah his daughter and brought her to Jacob; and he went into her" (Gen. 29:23). Perhaps more eventful was the brief wedding ceremony of Ruth and Boaz, which was primarily a transaction of real estate and footwear.
Now these instances are by no means presented as models to follow for all wedding ceremonies. However, they are presented as legitimate weddings; they obviously contain what is essential to make a marriage legitimate.
Christ and the apostle Paul mention that the wedding of Adam and Eve does provide us with a model to follow (Matt. 19:5; Eph. 5:31). From this model we see two elements: first, the establishment of a new household ("a man shall leave his father and mother"), and second, sexual union ("and the two shall become one flesh").
Sexual union is a vital part of wedlock. In the Bible virgins are considered to be unmarried. Sexual union does not follow the wedding, it is part of the wedding (though obviously a private aspect). Rebekah's availability was described this way: "a virgin; no man had known her." She became Isaac's wife upon sexual union. Some Christians today, out of a sense of false modesty, downplay sex as merely a fringe benefit of marriage. Biblically, it is as much a part of the wedding as it is essential to the whole marriage (1 Cor. 7:3,5; Mal. 2:15).
Regarding the establishment of a household, we see an act of independence on the part of the man and a transfer of submission for the woman. The man leaves his father and mother to become head of a new household government under God. The woman, by her father's consent, leaves the headship of her father to serve as her husband's helper. She is never left independent (1 Cor. 11:3). Most of the weddings in the Bible include the father giving away the bride (in the case of Adam and Eve, God gave away the bride).
Note that it is not enough to have the woman's consent alone; her father must approve (cf. Numbers 30). Note also that under normal circumstances neither the church nor the state has the right to "authorize" a marriage, for this is biblically not their jurisdiction. So unless the law of God prohibits a union, church and state should recognize what God has given over to families. In a biblical society, weddings would be performed by families; the church and the state would need only to be notified.
A wedding ceremony should not detract from the idea that a new household is being formed, a new hierarchical government structure under God, of which the husband is head. The bride and groom must commit themselves to God's service through a marriage covenant, the groom vowing to be a diligent, faithful head and the bride to be a diligent, faithful helper. They should also pledge to be fruitful if God wills.
Human traditions can be valuable so long as we understand their place we should never feel spiritually obligated to uphold them. This is important for us to remember; our wedding traditions are deeply rooted in our culture. Being careful to stay within His guidelines, we can enjoy our traditional wedding ceremonies to God's glory.
