n practical spiritual matters, there is always a ditch on both sides of the road. In the duties associated with child-rearing, the most common problem is that of veering off to the right. Parents abdicate in child-rearing and do not diligently oversee their children as they grow. The bulk of their children's training and nurture comes from the government schools and from the Vidiot Box.
But there is a problem in the opposite direction, and, not surprisingly, it also has a destructive impact in the lives of children. This happens when parents are hyper about child-rearing. If there is a conference on the subject, there they are. They have contributed their share to the worn-out path on the carpet at the local Christian bookstore in the marriage and family section. They worry about their kids. They spend a lot of time getting counsel from their pastors on the subject. They do many good things, but something important -- central, in fact -- is missing.
The thing that is missing is faith. Biblical parenting is not just a matter of doing certain things right externally. It also means that there must be a pervasive confidence in the promises and power of God.
Many of the things we remember from childhood are symbols. In themselves, they may have no great significance, but they represent countless other things which are so large they cannot fit into any one incident. So one incident or action serves to sum them all up. One of the things I remember vividly from my boyhood illustrates how, in one situation, parental confidence was communicated to children.
I remember how my father used to make a fist and place it squarely on the bridge of our childish noses. As we looked out upon the world all we could see of it was Dad's fist. What did this communicate? Truth is absolute. The universe is stable. Certain things are not negotiable. God is love. Do what you're told. Get it right. Delayed obedience is disobedience.
Why did this simple action communicate a multitude of truths? It is not a technique. A man cannot put this article down, go put a fist in his kid's face, look over his shoulder at his wife, and say, "Do you think this will work, hon?"
Bringing up children is not a paint-by-numbers kind of operation. It is possible to write "how-to" books on all sorts of things -- building a deck, sewing a dress, and improving your backhand. It is also possible to teach on many external, physical aspects of child-rearing. But at the heart of child-rearing is faith in God, and that only comes from the Spirit of God.
Worrying about our children is as sinful as ignoring them. The Bible does not say be anxious for nothing, except your kids. Because it is a sin to worry over our children, it is only reasonable to suppose that it is a sin that will probably affect them -- and not for the good. This accounts for how some parents can hover over their children for twenty years, and then when their children fall into grievous sin, be able honestly to say, "But we did everything."
Yes -- everything but trust God.
The Bible teaches that children learn through imitation. Therefore be followers of God as dear children (Eph. 5:1). We are to have a child-like imitative attitude toward God as we follow Him. But children do not just imitate their parents in the large and important things they do. Children imitate subtle things as well. They imitate the intangibles. They imitate trust. They imitate attitudes. I have put my fist in my children's faces -- although I have no expectation that they will remember it as I did. I trust they will learn the same lessons I learned, but they will almost certainly attach the lessons to a different symbol.
But this trusting God does not mean "let go and let God." Godly parents must diligently shepherd their children with joyful confidence. One error is shepherding without confidence. The other is confidence without shepherding. Obedience to Scripture requires both.
Where does one go to get this trust? There is only one Source. He never changes and has never moved. He is the same yesterday, today, and forever. His counsels were settled in eternity. His promises are constant. His love is eternal. His word, spoken before eternal times, is sure. And we cannot undo any of this through our panic and anxiety about our kids. As Christian parents, however, we have the privilege of believing Him and resting in Him.
Parents who know and trust God are parents who know and trust God with their children. "Are you trying to say," someone will ask, "that parents who simply trust God will see their kids turn out?" Yes -- that is what I am saying.
"Then what is to prevent us," the questioner goes on, "from taking advantage of God's grace in this -- trusting Him for our kids while ignoring them?"
The answer is the same thing that prevents sinners from taking advantage of any kind of grace -- the efficacy and power of grace. How can we who died to sin still live in it? How can parents who are really trusting God for their children neglect their children? The thing is impossible. Faith without works is dead.
Christian parents who are holding a new little one in their arms may believe God for their children. It is sin not to do so. But when this parental faith is genuine, it manifests itself in diligent and calm parental oversight.
This is not to say that the children of all Christian parents will grow up to love the Lord. The Scripture and experience both plainly deny it. What happened to all the promises then? "Before eternal times," and all that? As with so much else in Scripture, the promises are not for those who disbelieve them.
