f anyone comes to Me and does not hate his father and mother, wife and children, brothers and sisters, yes, and his own life also, he cannot be My disciple (Luke 14:26).
The family is a creature -- it was created, ordained and established by God and given to us as a very wonderful gift. God created male and female and ordained that the union between them be fruitful. We must cultivate our gratitude for this, and we must labor always to obey God in our families. The family is God's assigned primary instrument in the fulfillment of the cultural mandate given in Genesis -- and the ramifications of this are seen in every aspect of life.
But as a creature, the family can also assume an importance in our minds which the Bible does not assign to it. Instead of understanding the family as the most important arena for living and applying God's standards, we may mistakenly come to think of the family as the source of our standards.
This can be seen in a statement such as this: "I really like movies that honor family values." Family values? What does that mean? If it means "God's values which our family honors," then we do not need to spend time quibbling about words. But if it means (as it usually does) a kind of generic decency which semi-conservative Republican candidates are not embarrassed to espouse, and which lulls Christians into voting for them, then the phrase is a deadly one.
The family is only valuable because the law of God is ultimate. The family is not valuable because the family is ultimate.
This is not to quarrel with the heartening return of a biblical view of family among many Christians -- the hearts of the fathers are being turned to their children. Nevertheless, we must always guard our hearts and minds. If we are not careful and diligent to reserve ultimacy to God and His Word alone, then we will find ourselves destroying the thing we put in place of Him. The family cannot generate an ethic strong enough to defend the family.
If we acknowledge that only God is ultimate, then we have a sure foundation upon which to build our understanding of the family's importance. But we cannot do this without recognizing the fundamental truth of our Lord's words quoted above. It is impossible to be a disciple of Christ unless He and His truth are far more important to us than our fathers, mothers, wives, children, brothers, and sisters.
Confronted with this "problem passage," we hasten to assure ourselves that this is an invisible, intangible surrender which we must make somewhere in the spiritual realm, and, having made it, God will never require it of us. But as anyone familiar with the history of the church can testify, this is simply not true. It has been required of many. We can only give ourselves to our families the way we ought if we are serving God the way we ought. And we cannot serve Him according to our own lights.
The pro-life movement as a whole has been guilty of this ethical confusion. One of the by-words in the movement is the "sanctity of human life." But human life, just like the family, in and of itself, provides no ethical direction. As Christians, we must speak of the sanctity of God's law, and the consequent dignity of human life.
In the same way, we should respect the dignity and importance of the family. But we must do so under God.
This means the principal duties of a husband are not directed toward his wife. If he is doing what he ought to do, she is certainly the first beneficiary, but she is not to be the definer of his spiritual walk.
A godly husband must be a man of God. He must be one who lives by every word which proceeds from the mouth of God. He must be devoted to prayer. He must be faithful in his involvement with the people of God, not neglecting the gathering together of the saints. He is to be clear and open about his faith.
In times of doctrinal confusion, there is a tendency to stand things on their heads. We have fallen away from honoring God and so we cease honoring our fathers and mothers. The results of this are disastrous, and so we begin trying to restore the family and "family values" so that we might find peace again. But it is hopeless. If we seek first His kingdom, these other things are added to us.
Christ is telling us that if our priorities are biblical, then there is a tremendous blessing in this life -- "now in this time" -- along with persecutions. In addition, in the age to come, eternal life awaits. But if we make an idol out of God's good gift, and place our wives and families ahead of God, Christ, and the gospel, we cannot be Christ's disciple. Christ could not have been more plain.
But if we teach our wives and children the way God instructs us to, they will not have a problem with this. In fact, the prospect of having a husband who thinks more of her than of Christ should frighten a godly wife. She knows that if she occupies a position of preeminence in her husband's mind, she will receive far less love than she would if her husband loved God before all else. How could a man love his wife properly while living in rebellion against the source of all love?
A wife is a man's first
earthly priority. She is not his first priority. Under God, he is to love her to the exclusion of all other women. Together with her, he is to love and nurture the
fruit of their union. Under God, she is to be his best and closest earthly friend. Under God.
