The Ultimate Autograph
Brio , a Christian magazine for young teenage girls, recently had a feature
entitled "God Wants to Sign Your Yearbook." As if the title were not bad enough,
the page was filled with purportedly divine scrawlings which said things like,
"Thanks for listening"; "The more I get to know you, the more I like you"; and "You've
got a great personality."
When the blind lead the blind, they both fall into a youth ministry.
And Furthermore. . .
One of our local Muscovite curmudgeons, one E.B. Wilson, has suggested we add
examples of some real messages written in the "yearbooks" of:
Belshazzar : "Mene, mene, tekel, upharsin" (Dan. 5:25)
Abimelech : "Indeed you are a dead man" (Gen. 20:3).
Job : "Who is this who darkens counsel by words without knowledge?" (Job 38:2).
The Crisis Deepens
Brio also had a troubled girl write in about a terrible problem. She put it
this way, "My parents refuse to let me wear lipstick. I hate looking pale and
having dry lips. How can we compromise?"
Brio suggested a compromise through a colorless lip gloss. If honoring one's
parents is ruled out, then Credenda suggests a compromise through putting bright
red lipstick on just the lower lip.
Let's Go to the Hop
A Gothic metal band, Type O Negative , is on tour promoting its latest CD entitled
"Bloody Kisses." They are trying to shake their fascist image with equal opportunity
songs like "Kill All the White People." They are the opening act for an outfit
called GWAR which has spewing machines in order to shower fake blood on that
portion of the audience which is slam-dancing down in front of the stage.
Of course if they were serious about their nihilism, it wouldn't be fake blood.
Weenies.
How's That Again?
The Free Market reports that in 1992, it was a federal crime for a California
fruit grower "to sell a peach less than 2-7/18 inches in diameter or a nectarine
under 2-3/8 inches. In that year, 500 million nectarines and peaches had to be
thrown out."
With the collapse of the Soviet Union, the attention of our ever-vigilant gummit
has necessarily turned to the important task of making the world safe for big
fruit.
And Now This
In the Washington Blade , which is a publication you don't want to know about,
Eric Pollard, co-founder of Act-Up/D.C., an organization of rowdy sodomites,
had this to say. "I have helped create a truly fascist organization. . . . We
conspired to bring into existence an activist group that . . . could effectively
exploit the media for its own ends, and would work covertly and break the law
with impunit y . . . drawn largely from the voluminous Mein Kampf , which
some of us studied as a working model."
We would comment on this, but we all live in northern Idaho, and consequently
don't know very much about hate crimes. We think it's against the law, though.
One Hardly Knows Where to Start
We recently obtained a mailing which is marketing little red paper-clip-like
hearts, with the words "Jesus Loves You and Me" embossed on the front. The instructions
include helpful hints, such as, "Wear on your clothing with the words facing out.
With non-English speaking people use an interpreter if possible. Instructions:
Pray before using. Open the Gate! Pull the plug! Turn on the faucet! Activate
believers to love their neighbor! Try 'em. You will like 'em. (Order form on back.)
Thank you. God bless you real good."
Um. . .
The Dog and Pony Show in Ring #3
Dave Hunt's The Berean Call reported on the much ballyhooed joint declaration,
"Evangelicals and Catholics Together: The Christian Mission in the 3rd Millenium." Some
evangelical biggies signed on to this thing, including Bill Bright, Pat Robertson,
Chuck Colson, and bafflingly, Herbert Schlossberg and J.I. Packer. Among other
things, the declaration calls for Catholics and evangelicals ". . . to stop aggressive
proselytization of each other's flocks" and that "All who accept Christ as Lord
and Savior are brothers and sisters in Christ. Evangelicals and Catholics are
brothers and sisters in Christ."
Of course, we must take The Berean Call's concern over all this with a grain
of salt too -- Dave Hunt's attack on the declaration was itself an interesting
blend of Reformed history, Catholic Tridentine theology, and evangelical nouns.
Real Gun Control is Hitting the Target
The U.S. House of Representatives sought to run a "student body left" around the
Second Amendment last May, seeking to ban all kinds of "assault weapons." Soon
the only gun owners left will be drug runners and religious nuts.
Of course, it kinda depends on your point of view. Patrick Henry was a religious
nut, and George Washington couldn't get enough assault weapons.
