e like to paint with a broad brush. In the modern world discriminating is a bad word, and so we very rarely are. This is especially true of those areas which bear a superficial resemblance to anything else -- whether or not there are profound differences on a more basic level.
The difference between discipline and punishment is one such distinction, and one which all diligent parents must master regardless of appearance. And so what is the distinction? Discipline is corrective; it seeks to accomplish a change in the one being disciplined. Punishment is meted out in the simple interests of justice.
In bringing up children, parents should be disciplining them. In hanging an axe murderer, the civil magistrate is not disciplining -- he is punishing. One of the reasons our society is so unsafe is that the magistrate should be punishing, but he isn't; he should not be disciplining, but he is.
God disciplines His people as He takes them through the daily process of their sanctification. He has their final glorification in view, and all His discipline works toward that end. But on the last day, He shall punish the wicked. When God finally pitches the ungodly away from Himself, He will have no intention of their subsequent improvement.
Because discipline seeks to correct, it has accomplished its purpose when the correction has been made. And because children differ one from another, they need godly distinctions in discipline. To say it again, kids are different -- their personalities differ, their attitudes toward pain differ, and of course, they differ in gender. Consequently, if parents are seeking to accomplish a particular end through discipline, the amount of discipline required will vary as the nature of the child varies. Many parents know what it is like to spank a tough little tank of a boy, who always tries to make it as far through a spanking as he can without crying. They also know what it is like to see their other child dissolve into tears if the displeased parent looks at her sideways. Parents many times feel guilty because there is such a vast disparity in the amount and intensity of discipline each child receives.
But there is no sound reason for such guilt. Compare the problem to one of physical dirt. Suppose some parents have two children, one a dainty girl who despises getting dirty, and the other a real child of the soil. Should the parents feel guilty if the second one gets more baths? Not at all -- baths are given according to need, and so are spankings. Scrubbings are given according to the resistance and tenacity of the grime, and drubbings are given on the same principle.
As a result, when a child is disciplined, the parents must avoid the pattern of "going through the motions." Many Christian parents have read enough on discipline to know that they are supposed to spank their children. And so they do. But such spankings can often be seen as nothing more than a mindless routine. And why? The spankings do not achieve the intended effect . To return to the analogy of the bath, it is as though parents knew that well-cared for children take baths, and so every night they pop the kids into the tub. They never run the water, and never use soap, but they do get in the tub!
The purpose of disciplinary spanking is to alter behavior. If it does not alter the behavior, then the parents are not applying disciplinary spanking. I have seen parents spank in astonishing ways. A muffled wumph on the diapers, far from eliminating a child's whining, will only increase it. Because the point of discipline is to alter behavior, then ineffective discipline is not really discipline at all. It becomes punishment, and of a bizarre, trifling variety. It is as though a jewel thief were punished with a twenty-five dollar fine.
The standard for a godly home is simply this -- prompt and cheerful obedience . This standard, if it is to have any meaning at all, must be enforced whenever there is a violation of the standard. Now the thing that keeps many parents from enforcing such a standard is really their unbelief. They do not believe that discipline will really alter how the kids act around the house. But it does. I have seen parents who were constantly frazzled by their children fighting, squabbling, quarreling, hitting, moaning, and carrying-on, and who put up with it for years on end, when they could put a complete stop to it in three days. All that is needed, to use a phrase my wife and I had, is a short little "reign of terror." This would occur when every infraction was dealt with painfully, every time. The kids catch on.
The objection is that busy parents do not have time to discipline every ten minutes for the rest of their lives. This is where our unbelief is seen. The rest of our lives? If such discipline would be applied for just a few days, the home would be transformed.
So discipline works. God uses it to remove folly from the heart of the child. And for those parents who seek to be wiser than God, dispensing with discipline, nothing awaits their children but a wrenching series of sharp punishments, culminating in the final punishment from hand of the Lord. Those who refuse to understand disciplin e hate their children . The choice is clear -- discipline now or punishment later.
