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Volume 11, Issue 2: Cave of Adullam

Mutterings on the Regnant Follies

Oecolampadius Ray

Well Then
In a recent speech, Charlton Heston noted that at Antioch college in Ohio, a young man seeking intimacy with a young woman must get verbal permission from her at every stage of the proceedings. From kissing to foreplay, from foreplay to intercourse, she must give the verbal okay. This is all spelled out very clearly in a college directive, no doubt drafted by aging sexual revolutionaries from the sixties.

Well, okay, this one has possibilities. But we think he should have to get permission at each level from her father and two brothers, all equipped with baseball bats. And of course they would have to make him rent a tux prior to level two.

Bon Avocat, Mal Voisin
A federal court in Brooklyn determined that 15 gun manufacturers were liable for damages in a lawsuit filed by relatives of people killed by guns, and not necessarily by guns manufactured by the folks in question. It was enough that they sent entirely legal guns out into the wild world, and that guns in the wild world were used in bad ways, and Q.E.D.

Fine. But what about the liability of that entity which levied a tax on each initial sale of each gun, thus giving tacit approval to the transaction in question, and moreover sharing, if anyone was sharing, in the responsibility for whatever that gun might do throughout the course of its life, reminding us, in an uncanny way, of the responsibility that must be assumed by that same entity for its practices in giving subsidies to tobacco farmers, but turning around in a most hypocritical way, and fining the tobacco companies for selling what our lord high protectors were selling to them a moment before, in cahoots with the farmers, of couse. Huh? What about that?

Captain Doo Doo
One entry vying for Britain's top art award this year was, um, done, shall we say, by an enterprising fellow who sculpted a comic book hero out of elephant dung.

Finally, a little epistemological self-consciousness.

the Rev. Falwell
You have all read about how Jerry Falwell got himself in another one of his periodic imbroglios by sending out a "Parent Alert," letting concerned parents know that Tinky Winky, one of television's noted Teletubbies, is gay. Of course, the sophisticated world of social observers all went sideways, and people starting throwing thing, mostly insults.

This puts us in an awkward position, but, once again, we must admonish Jerry Falwell for his incipient liberalism in this sort of thing. Our position, by way of contrast, is that anyone who has seen over six seconds of Teletubby footage is gay.

In Search of Rude Buddhists
Watch out, the Dalai Lama has been busy writing about Jesus-The Good Heart: A Buddhist Perspective on the Teachings of Jesus. In a Books and Culture review of the book, Terry Muck observes that the "Jesus who emerges from this exegesis is a person remarkably similar to the Dalai Lama himself: someone able to hold passionate commitments about the religious life, to advocate those teachings to others, but to do so in a way that unifies people around their common humanness rather than destructively promoting division."

Apparently the Dalai's editor must have cut out those testy sections on the Buddhist exhoration to overthrow tables and refer to one's opponents as a "brood of vipers," "blind guides," and "white-washed sepulchers." But it is fun picturing the Dalai Lama mouthing the words "Fools and blind, fools and blind" (Matt. 23:17,19) in that silky orange bath robe of his.

Sing that Song Bonnie Rait
LifeWay Christian Resources sent us a postcard with an advertisement for their supercool "True Love Waits" T-Shirts: "Wearing this shirt is a visual display of a commitment to purity!"

But hey, hey, hey, that couple in the ad photo are standing just a bit too close. Turn the hose on those kids.

Wellness Gestapo
Those of our readers who like alternative sweeteners had better start looking both ways before they put anything in their tea. The FDA has yanked a book promoting the herb "stevia" as a tea sweetener from the shelves of a Texas bookstore. Contrary to federal law, you know, to sweeten your tea with a non-approved substance.

Texas Tea Party. Doesn't quite have the same ring. Austin Tea Party! But maybe it didn't happen in Austin. Oh, well, doesn't matter. Texans like being slaves, and so we don't have to name what ain't gonna happen there.

Tempers Flare in the Land of the Rhine
A German court banned a young twenty-two-year-old man from driving for four and a half months, and fined him 1800 marks, which is almost a thousand dollars. Alas, he had lost his temper in a traffic altercation, and shouted, "Typical woman," at his adversary. His ineffectual defense was that she, being thirty-six-years-old, had provoked him by calling him a "young whippersnapper."

German road rage. "You...you...baby nut!"

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