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Volume 12, Issue 3: Cave of Adullam

Mutterings on the Regnant Follies

Erasmus Took

One Step Earlier
A thoughtful correspondent sent us a page out of somebody's sermon outline, one point of which was a distinction between agape love and eros love. In the course of the argument, we learn that eros "is the cause of all racism." Further up and further in, we learn that "patriotism is a nice way of saying I'm racist."

But we thought that eros is the reason we even have races.

Bright Lights, Big CT
Gone to My Baby's Head

Christianity Today, in their little culture section called "the ct review,"recently did a review of a documentary called The Eyes of Tammy Faye. Tammy Faye Bakker, it appears, has become something of an icon in homosexual circles. She has managed to transcend all that hate the sin, love the sinner business. "'I don't label people,' chirps Tammy Faye. 'God didn't make any junk.'" The reviewer comments on this as "good-natured grace."

Away with such understatement! Good natured grace? In CT circles, this qualifies as a theological profundity, right up there with Barth and Yancey.

Dividers, Not Uniters
Another correspondent informed us of this way cool women's studies course at Bowdoin. The course in question is Music and Gender, and the central question raised in the course is this: "Is Beethoven's Ninth Symphony a marvel of abstract architecture, culminating in a gender-free paean to human solidarity, or does it model the process of rape?"

Why not both? Why all these tiresome and bigoted distinctions? Getting a little sick of it around here.

Ba Dum, Tssshhh
So, what is the difference between a Chick Fil-a outlet and a modern evangelical church?

Well, a ChickFil-a establishment honors the Sabbath, and they feed you.

Klean, Klean, Klean
The state of Missouri is involved in this court battle, see?-with the KKK, see?-which managed to get themselves involved in that fine state's adopt-a-highway litter program. The state is trying to dump the Klan from their list of public-spirited organizations, and the Klan is trying to maintain their right to pick up litter like everybody else, and to have a sign up like everybody else.

We suggest a compromise. Let them pick up the litter, but make them wear chains on their legs.

A recent Christian crafts catalog (why not?) contained an item on sale ($13.99), the information concerning which we thought should be passed along. It is a copy of the famous footprints poem-like-thingy, along with precut footprint shapes (10 inches high and 4 and a half inches wide), along with sand, seashells, glitter, and non-toxic glue. And instructions.

The instructions are to keep the cynical from eating the glue before they read the poem.

Fighting Those Darn Hate Crimes
The New York Post has reported on an Italian sexologist who has developed an electronic chastity belt.

Harkening back to an earlier news item, this is actually a highly-spohisticated anti-racism device.

Therapeutic Snow Storm
Bill Hybels, of Willow Creek fame, invited President Clinton to his last leadership conference for a Q & A session. After the last wiffleball question had floated by, Hybels put his hand on the president's shoulder and prayed, "Thank you, God, that you wired him the way you did."

And John Knox turned to Mary, Queen of Scots, and said, "Oh, Mary, Mary . . . don't you see that your love tank is low? Don't you know that the first step in loving others is to learn how to love yourself? Your courtiers are in an uproar because of this borderline personality disorder (BPD), and you need to set an example for them. You need to show them how to face their problems head on. Mary, we in the Kirk do care about your felt needs, and we want to see the inner beauty of your vibrant personality unleashed-released-so that Scotland can become great again!"

Know What Ticks Me Off?
Nothing. That would be a sin. But in the righteous indignation department, national elections are getting to be a trial.

In the interests of fundamental reform, we suggest that every ballot, for every race, contain a none-of-the-above option. If none-of-the-above ever wins a race, then another election must be scheduled with all new candidates.

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