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Volume 12, Issue 3: Verbatim

Kurrent Kultursmog

Various Pagans and Christians

"Oh, Mary," he sighed, shaking his head, "I love you too much to go there."

Danielle Steele

I will find you.

Natty Bumpo

Yadda, yadda, yadda.

Some show

We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all music was created equal-that no instrument or style of music is in itself evil-that the diversity of musical expression which flows forth from man is but one evidence of the boundless creativity of our Heavenly Father.

Christian Rocker's Creed

I don't know what the lyrics are.

Eddie Van Halen

Rock music is sex.

Frank Zappa

All noise seems to me to have the potential to become musical, simply by being allowed to appear in a musical work.

John Cage

Boom, chickaboom, don't ya just love it?

Some old band

Mother superior jumped the gun.

The Beatles

I'd rather be governed by some unrighteous dweeb than listen to a Christian band, the lead guitarist of which plays like a Turk.

Martin Luther

Where do you want to go today?

Microsoft

You'll never make a saint out of me.

Mick Jagger

Sometimes you just gotta break the rules.

Burger King

Obey your thirst.

Mountain Dew-oh wait, Sprite

You gotta be your own dog.

Red Dog Beer

. . . bustle in your hedgerow . . .

Led Zepplin

Blllaaaaattttttt!

Kenny G

Oooooooooooooo . . .

Michael Bolton

Courage.

Dan Rather

"Heh, Heh, Heh."

-Tiger Woods

Oooooooooooooo . . .

Mariah Carey

Why do you build me, build me up, Buttercup, just to let me down, let me down, mess me around, then worst of all, worst of all, never call, baby, when you say you will, say you will, I love you still, I need you, I need you, more than . . . [here the chronicler breaks off].

Overheard

The Internet made it possible.

Everyone

Oooooooooooooo . . .

N'Sync

Crashing into creamy coffee!

Starbucks Ice Cream

One of the most spectacular movies [Prince of Thieves] ever made.

Arch Campbell WRC-TV/NBC

Star Wars is an elaborately-spectacular film that represents the ultimate in cinematic achievement.

The Box

Brilliant!

ABC

Remarkable!

Los Angeles Times

Exceptional!

The New York Times

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