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Volume 14, Issue 3: Cave of Adullam

Mutterings on the Regnant Follies


Heck. Why Not?
A company in Pittsburg, PA, is marketing a line of packaged towlettes. Nothing controversial so far, but it gets worse. The name emblazoned on the front is "Wash Away Your Sins Towlette" and it has an anti-bacterial formula that "kills sins on contact." The directions on the back are along the same lines, but need to be quoted verbatim so that the discerning reader will be able to take back any negative thoughts he may have had about our attacks on modern evangelicalism over the years. So here you go.

1. Remove moist towlette
2. Devoutly wipe away wrong doing
3. Spot check for stubborn guilt
4. Wipe again as needed
5. Discard sins in waste receptacle
6. Go forth purified and moisturized
Now if we approved of this because the moisture here constituted a baptism, we would be accused of superstitious sacramentalism. But it doesn't, so fear not. Apparently, the only superstitions allowed by modern evangelicals are those for which absolutely no biblical case can be made.

Redneck Haiku
We really are grateful for thoughtful readers who send us cool stuff. And this was one of the funniest items we have received in quite a time. A collection of redneck haiku is really what it took to convince us of the true versatility of this great poetic form. We break with our usual customs and format to share a couple of the best ones.

Naked in repose
Silvery silhouette girls
Adorn my mudflaps


In early morning mist
Mama searches Circle K for
Moon Pies and Red Man

But We Already Knew How to Do This
Belgian artist Wim Delvoye worked on this project for three whole years—in concert with key dedicated scientists at the University of Antwerp, all of whom apparently had nothing better to do. The installation is called Cloaca, and is a massive machine built from beakers, plastic tubing and electrical pumps, and is designed to reproduce the accomplishments, shall we say, of the human digestive system. Food (of any kind) is dumped into a funnel at one end, and, twenty seven hours later, feces come out the other end!

We are deeply gratified that the modern artistic establishment has finally found its metier.

We Asked God for Money. . .
Northwest College sent out a fund-raising appeal that has the above statement on the front. When you open it, the reply to this observation says, "He said He won't give us any until you do."

And we aren't giving until God makes pigs start to whistle.

Too Many Irons in the Fire
Misty Irons, wife of Lee Irons, has published an article entitled "A Conservative Christian Case for Civil Same-Sex Marriage." We have commented on this elsewhere, but it still warrants an entry in the Cave.

To quote from her article, completely out of context, "It is no wonder that nobody listens to us anymore." Normally we try not to quote people out of context, but this is the only way to make her statement true.

Nice Work If You Can Get It
We like avant-garde artists, because they make us realize, no matter how bizarre the Christian world gets, the world of unbelief is dumber still. Last March, a cat belonging to British artist Tracey Emin—avant garde, as mentioned above—ran away, the cat, that is. Emin then made up some flyers to post around the neighborhood. When folks realized that the posters were Emin's work, they started to disappear and were being offered on the street for as much as $800. But the White Cube gallery, which regularly hosts Emin's work, issued a statement saying that the poster was not art, even though the public might think it was.

Because the cat was apparently recognizable.

Helpful Insights From Overseas
A recent bestseller in France goes by the title The Frightening Fraud. Written by one Thierry Meyssan, the thesis of the book is that our very own U.S. government staged the attack on the Pentagon on September 11.

If the French didn't exist, we would have to invent them.

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