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Volume 15, Issue 1: Cave of Adullam

Mutterings on the Regnant Follies

Geraldo Rivers

Blender Bender
Got a catalog in the mail from Brazos Press, and it had some interesting stuff in it. Also got an accompanying letter with the catalog that identified, as we used to say, "where they are coming from." And we quote: "We are grounded in the Great Tradition common to Roman Catholic, Eastern Orthodox, Anabaptist, confessionally oriented mainline Protestant, and Protestant evangelical Christianity."

This is like making Great Tea by using the same bag twenty-eight times.

Tramp Barbie
Haven't been keeping up on these things all that much, but a thoughtful correspondent sent in a page from an FAO Schwarz catalog. On one side was a Barbie doll with a James Bond companion for all those kids with dirty minds.

For those kids without an imagination, in need of a little adult seduc . . . . supervision, on the other side were a couple of lingerie Barbies.

Dionysus Lite
A music group called Crimson (formerly Electrik Groove) sent out a flyer to youth directors generally. The group, the flyer claims, will "perform a 50 minute interactive concert complete with jumping, screaming, light moshing (if allowed) and an all out energy release for all who are in attendance."

Light moshing? If allowed?

Oxymorons R Us
A vegan in Salt Lake City has set up shop as, as kind of, as, well, we don't have a word for this yet. His goal is to make sexual bondage games safe for vegans "with a line of animal-friendly, cruelty-free human restraints, collars, harnesses, whips and belts."

Cruelty-free masochism? Probably some kind of Mormon thing.

A pastor in Houston has written a book called The Gospel According to Tony Soprano. Chris Seay is the pastor of Ecclesia, "a progressive Christian community" with the average age of the congregants coming in at a whopping 23 years old. This man of the cloth is reaching kids who have "been turned off by traditional religion."

American traditional religion consists of being turned off by traditional religion, whether there is any or not. But there is traditional religion, because this is the tradition now, but not the other kind of tradition, the kind we don't have, which turns us off.

Dave Barry Made Fun of This First
The Tate Gallery, a prestigious British art museum, has paid about $35,000 dollars for a can of excrement. Italian artist and visionary Piero Manzoni died in 1963, but not before filling about 90 cans, which were then sealed according to contemporary industrial standards.

For ready money, you can get your aesthetic vision in a can.

It Doesn't Stop
A website is out there (how could it not be?) that solves a problem that has been plaguing you for some time now. After the rapture, when all the born-again Christians disappear overnight, and all the pagans are standing around scratching their heads wondering why the national IQ average just went up thirty points, who is going to tell them what happened?, that's who! That's right. You go to this website, add the names of unsaved family and friends to their database. Let's let the web site explain the rest. "Their names will be stored indefinitely and a letter will be sent out to each of them on the first Friday after the rapture. Then they will receive another letter every Friday after that. This rapture letter service is FREE and will hopefully gain the person you send to an eternity in heaven."

Dear John,

It is very hard for me to break up with you like this, and I don't want you to think that it's because of anything you did, its just that I've been taken up to Heaven. . .

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