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Volume 15, Issue 3: Sharpening Iron


From Us:

Turns out we're an important part of the end times. Experts have always been confused by our existence, but no more. We have been explained, our role has been outlined, and we are ready to fill it. In the end times of Xanadu, we are Kubla Khan. A stately pleasure dome decree has been issued, and we have named it Kibbie. We have jogged beside the Snake river, called it Alph and deemed it sacred. There's a bit of a hitch on the `caverns measureless to man' bit as the only one we've found was about five yards deep. We figure it would have to be at least ten yards before we could call it `measureless.' But our fertile ground has been girdled round, though the corn's not doing well.

But of particular noteworthiness is our flashing eyes. They combine with our floating hair to create quite a spectacle. Apocolyptic even. It's not a tough job, but it's important. The world is not sufficiently horrible without us. Nobody shouting "Beware! Beware!" and such. That's your role. The shouting bit. You're also supposed to weave circles 'round us thrice. Dancing is probably preferable but the thriceness is most important. We on honeydew hath fed and drunk the milk of paradise, and it's chocolate. "But what of the demon lover?" you say. Keep that kind of talk going, pal, and you will hear ancestral voices prophesying war.


 

From You:

OFTEN IDIOTIC
Dear Editor,
Yes, your magazine is sometimes silly and occasionally idiotic, but always insightful, often brilliant, and never dull.

I'm impressed at your recent replies to letters.

Michael Owens
Ephrata, PA

COWBOY GRAVY
Dear Editor,
Thank you for encouraging this cowboy, lonely for wit, satire and a biblical worldview. In a land of big cars and big hair I find C/A refreshing gravy to wash down the beans and steak. . . . If you or any of yours wanders dangerously close to Dallas you are welcome around our campfire any time.

Judson Ashley
Midlothian, TX

LOW WIT
Dear Editor,
"Sarcasm is the lowest form of wit?"

Please prove otherwise! Please send The Serrated Edge when available.

De'Lena Johnson
Palmer, AK

GLADNESS SAUCE
Dear Editor,
I've deeply enjoyed each and every spaghetti-splattered C/A I've read (spaghetti sauce mine). If gladness were that sauce, my descendants (would they dare throw these issues away?) would have visible proof of the joy your writings have inspired. Thank you for your devotion to God's service, even when people think you're mean-spirited. . .

God bless your efforts.

Peter Bentley
Seattle, WA

TUSSLE
Dear Editor,
The arrival of your magazine always causes a three way tussle. Those involved include myself, my husband, and our thirteen year-old daughter. Hopefully this enthusiasm will spread to the younger ones too.

Rebekah Crawford
Parker, AZ

AW SCHUCKS
Dear Editor,
Keep up the good work! Douglas Jones was certainly on a roll in

"The Cretan Times" this most recent issue. And we especially appreciated Douglas Wilson's letter to Dr. James Dobson [15/1]. Well done.

You all remain in our prayers as always.

Bo and Maggie Stuart
Clancy, MT

MORE
Dear Editor,
Hey C/A. . . We do enjoy your satire. When we disagree, we simply scoff and mock you mercilessly.

"The Cretan Times" section rivals "The Cave of Adullam." Keep up the good work.

George and Jeanne Damoff
Marshall, TX

HONING SKILLS
Dear Editor,
The Serrated Edge sounds like a keen book on which to hone my understanding of satire. I would be obliged to you were I to receive a gratis copy as per your April letter.

Grace Hard
Mount Morris, PA

DOING OUR PART TO HELP LUTHERANS
Dear Editor,
Your article entitled "Loyalty" [15/1], I thought was outstanding.

And "Why Sacraments are not Means of Grace" was very thought-provoking to my Lutheran paradigms.
Blessings on your work.

Rev. Ron Stelzer
Centereach, NY

NICK SMITH
Dear Editor,
Please keep me on your hard-copy subscriber list, and never—never—take me off your list without first warning me. To that end, I've enclosed another donation.

Per your recent not-a-fund-raising-letter, I would very much appreciate receiving a copy of Pastor Wilson's The Serrated Edge. My proverbial older sister does think you're mean, and I'd like to be able to do a better job of defending you. This assumes, of course, that I am persuaded by your book, and that I continue to believe I'm defending you because you're correct—not just because I happen to enjoy y'all's personalities. And I do enjoy yall's personalities. . .

Nick Smith
Rising Fawn, GA

A BAPTIST FRIEND
Dear Editor,
You are the Spirit's breath of fresh and honest air in an atmosphere of stuffy and superficial Christianity. May the Sovereign Lord continue to bless you and keep you.

Pastor Charles DeVane, Jr.
Grace Baptist Church, Paragould, AR

RIGHTEOUS GIGGLING
Dear Editor,
Thanks for teaching us to laugh righteously. . .

Walter and Megan Lindsay
Phoenix, AZ

OFTENER IDIOTIC
Dear Editor,
Yes, your magazine is sometimes silly and occasionally idiotic, but always insightful, often brilliant, and never dull.

I'm impressed at your recent replies to letters.

Michael Owens
Ephrata, PA

NEVER SATISFIED
Dear Editor,
Here's my gift to keep the print edition of C/A coming. I would also like to request that you send me a copy of The Serrated Edge. While you're at it, go ahead and send free copies of all of the forthcoming Canon Press books from Smith, Meyers, Leithart, Wilson, Horne, etc. . .

Keep up the good work.

Rev. Chris Smith
St. Louis, MO

VETERAN
Dear Editor,
We have appreciated your humor and biblical encouragement for over seven years. Thank you for your efforts.

Kathleen Foos
Cantondam, CA

HA, HA, LAUGHED THE PAGANS
Dear Editor,
I'm so sorry that so many Christians feel secure in rebuking their brothers in Christ over issues about which they admit they know nothing. I refer, of course, to those who wrote their arrogant and ignorant letters to you regarding the "Morecaroni and Cheese" issue you put out [15/1]. . . I'm wondering how long these fellas have been reading your magazine, and why they don't seem to understand the spirit behind your wonderfully witty publication.

I can just imagine the flack you're going to get for the most recent issue "Jumpstart the Heart" [15/2]. My husband nearly fell off his chair! We laughed and laughed like a couple of pagans! The jumper cables! Who thought up the jumper cables?

Jean Akin
Schaghticoke, NY

Editor's reply: Well, sorry to disappoint. We did receive some letters about the aforementioned jumper cables. But then, we didn't feel most of them were appropriate for publication, even with editing. Children might see them while the magazine lay unsupervised on the coffee table and begin using phrases like "upper male nudity," around the neighbor kids.

OFTENEST IDIOTIC
Dear Editor,
Yes, your magazine is sometimes silly and occasionally idiotic, but always insightful, often brilliant, and never dull.

I'm impressed at your recent replies to letters.

Michael Owens
Ephrata, PA

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