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Volume 15, Issue 4: Cave of Adullam

Mutterings on the Regnant Follies

Yosemite Sam

Thundering Monotony
According to the editors of Credenda magazine, the regnant follies are getting a little stale. In a press release announced yesterday, the editors called upon all stripes and denominations, church growth experts and youth group leaders to try some really creative idiocy for a change.

Been there. Done that. Made fun of the T-shirt.

Brain Piercings
A church in New Orleans has this flyer which, on the outside, has this text. "Ears. Nose. Lips. Tongue. Navel. Eyebrows." Open it up and one discovers the layered spiritual meaning of all this. "And everything in between. Pierced. It says I'm willing to go to extremes to make a personal statement. It takes guts to be pierced. I know this man who had both of His ankles and His wrists pierced through to the bone . . ."

Walk up to someone in the narthex, or mall concourse, whatever it is, look at their eyebrow ring and say, "Oooo! What a bold, creative, gutsy and flamboyant move! However did you think of it?"

George Orwell, Call Your Office
The Network of Sex Work Projects is an international organization dedicated to working for the "rights of sex workers." In order to "empower" those women and children trapped in sex slavery, the organization rejects any notion that enforced prostitution is a violation of anyone's rights, including instances of rape or torture. They call for their administrative "services" to be given to anyone in sex work, including children, without making any judgment at all about what is happening to them.

But on the other hand, this is the only way that these repressed bureaucrats could even get to talk to the attractive ones.

National Association of Evangellyfish
A recent gathering of the National Association of Evangelicals resulted in some criticism of men like Franklin Graham, who in the aftermath of the 9-11 attacks said things like "a very evil and wicked religion." Rev. Ted Haggard, president of the NAE, said, "We must temper our speech." Paul Marshall, senior fellow at the Center for Religious Freedom, said that anti-Islam comments are most unhelpful. "Exactly what is to be achieved by that except boosting the ego of who said it?"

The concept is admittedly arcane, and has to do with something that theologians of another era used to quaintly refer to as "the truth."

Your Tax Dollars at Work
The United States State Department recently took a Southeast Asian delegation on a tour of a cathouse in Nevada. This was all part of the International Vistor's Program. Studious individuals from Vietnam, Indonesia, Malaysia, Thailand, and the Philippines heard lectures on legal prostitution and visited the Moonlite Bunny Ranch.

We think they ought to work on developing good will even further with a program where their names are exchanged. The madam would then operate the State Department and Colin Powell would head up the Moonlite Bunny Ranch.

Another Church Flyer
This one has a hip young woman in a really short skirt and great evangelical thighs, staring at the camera through her racoon-eyed sunglasses. She has that sexy, hit-in-the-mouth-with-a-brick pouty look. The text says, and we quote, "i don't want to go to grandma's church this easter." On the other side of this card, we learn far more. In fact, the writers of this little skanky evangel give the game away. "This Easter most people will consider going to church. Instead of going to a church that was designed for people who were going to church before you were born, how about trying a church that was designed for you?"

Before I was born!? Death! Mayhem! Ick! Bleh!

Diocese of the Cities of the Plain
The Episcopalians have elected the Rev. V. Gene Robinson as bishop coadjutor. The reverend gentlemen in question has two grown daughters, and was in a hetero marriage until the mid-1980s when he came out of the vestry closet. He now lives with his male partner, who is named Peter the Pink, an exotic dancer and winner of the New Hampshire State Fair Wet T-Shirt Contest three years running.

Okay, so we made up that last part. Does it matter?

Still Bored
We repeat. Our pickings for satire fodder are getting more and more tiresome.

Youth groups. Church growth. Modern art. Homo high-jinks. Why can't someone get a little edgy?

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