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Volume 16, Issue 1: Cave of Adullam

Mutterings on the Regnant Follies

Howard Dean

Just Say No to Reason
A girl was expelled from her government high school because she was found in possession of some Advil in her purse. Turns out that school policy prohibits pills.

We just can’t figure out why she wasn’t glad to go.

Carbo-loading for Jesus
Somewhere in these United States, there is a restaurant called Jacob’s Well. We know this because we got a tip from a reader who used to think that we made up the items that get featured on this page. Anyhow, there is this restaurant, see? And you can enjoy your dining experience complete with allusions to various biblical and theological truths. Want a salad and fries? You would order a Garden of Eden and the Smothered Sancti-fries. The German chocolate cake is called the Rapture. We are catering to people who want Christ with their meal, said the manager.

We saw a picture of the Sancti-fries, and they are also catering to people who want to see Christ about ten years ahead of schedule.

Hurt Feelings in LA
In all their daily to-and-froing, the bureaucrats of LA County have banned the use of the terms master and slave (commonly used to describe hard drive arrangements within computers). Apparently one worker had taken offense at the references, complained, and they were therewith banned.

And what will happen if gay activists complain about all the male/female couplings? Not satire at all anymore. Just sober prophecy. We are quite concerned about it.

Line Dancing Around the Rotunda
St. Gregory’s Church has a mural in progress called The Dancing Saints Icon. The dancing saints that we saw in their picture on the web included, reading from left to right, Sojourner Truth, Baretolome de Las Casas, Miriam, Origen, Malcolm X, Queen Elizabeth I . . .

Is it too late to add R.L. Dabney?

Allow Us to Quote
From a company that markets Bar of Faith Prayer Soap. Their web page says it all, referring to the 9-11 disaster: “You had a sense you wanted to cleanse yourself from this monumental unhappiness. That is when Rosalie Holland came up with the idea for a 100% PURE GLYCERIN BAR OF FAITH PRAYER SOAPTM. At times like these when Christians everywhere are reaching out for comfort and healing, how wonderful it is to start the day washing their hands and face with a clear soap that contains a beautiful floating cross.”

Yeah, but what gets the huckster stains out?

Old News
We know, we know. The Madonna/Britney kiss was so last week. But a much-neglected aspect of that brief fracas was the cogent commentary on the event by Stevie Nicks, singer for Fleetwood Mac. She said, and we quote, I thought it was the most obnoxious moment in television history. Stevie Nicks was one of the original chicks of rock, and her insightful observation was that Britney Spears and Christina Aguilera should try wearing more clothes and writing some decent songs.

We hear something similar happened to Wordsworth in his later years.

Bad News for Pretty Much Everybody
After many years of searching for the roots of gospel and blues, and hence of rock, in the wilds of Africa, scholars have not ever been able to cinch their case. But now Prof. Willie Ruff of Yale comes forth to maintain, Our cultural roots are more Afro-Gaelic than Afro-American. He has discovered that a significant part of the development of black music in America came from the musical influence of the Scottish highlands, the Outer Hebrides, and the “precenting of the line” in psalm-singing.

Get down! The Crown and Covenant Bluesmen!

Still, It Was Three to Two
In a 3-2 decision, the New Hampshire Supreme Court determined that if a married woman has an affair with another woman, that lesbian affair cannot be construed as adultery by a plantiff husband in a divorce proceeding. The definition of adultery, they argued, requires sexual intercourse.

Okay, we just want to keep all this straight as our brave new world unfolds. Lesbian acts are not adultery because they are not sexual intercourse, and yet lesbian marriages are to be considered marriages because . . . could we go over this again before the test?

Too Late
Someone mailed us a catalog full of liturgical dancewear. Oh, wait . . . we threw it away. Tragedies all.

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