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Volume 17, Issue 1: Cave of Adullam

Mutterings on the Regnant Follies

Sponge Robert Episcopal Pants

Oh, Good. Another Bible Translation.
Zondervan, chief among Bible-mongers, has released the TNIV. This (new! improved!) Bible is notable for two things, the first being some of the places they have been advertising it—Rolling Stone, Modern Bride, The Onion, and The second thing is the gender-neutral language, which they are pleased to hawk as "gender-accurate."

Of course this means they have to market the Old New International Version (ONIV) as being the gender-inaccurate version.

Pedagogical Paddywonking
Scott McConnell used to be a graduate student at LeMoyne College, working toward a Masters of Education degree. He got himself expelled for writing a paper for an education class in which he actually advocated the use of corporal punishment in the schools.

We, on the other hand, don't think that Mr. McConnell's paper went nearly far enough. If he really knew his business, he ought to have been pressing for corporal punishment for LeMoyne College's graduate school faculty.

Liberalism's Ne Plus Ultra
After Dr. James Dobson frosted all the right people (again) for pointing out sundry cartoon characters had been shanghaied by the Tolerance SS, the national media went nuts for a time, times, and half a time, maintaining stoutly that Dobson had said that SpongeBob SquarePants was gay, which Dobson had not said, although in our view he probably should have. In the aftermath of this controversy, the United Church of Christ invited SpongeBob for a photo op down at the UCC's Church House in scenic Cleveland. SpongeBob actually met with the Rev. John H. Thomas, the UCC's general minister and president. Thomas said, "No matter who you are or where you are on life's journey, SpongeBob, you're welcome here."

This kind of thing never happens to the OPC.

Insert Tab A Into Slot B
An astute reader who is on a discussion list (that perhaps is not very good for him) passed on to us a recent post as a sampling: "I was wondering, does anyone have a `step program' that lists the steps to someone being Born From Above (being Born Again)? Maybe something similar to a `12 Step' program, only what the steps are to being Born from Above . . ."

Glad to help!
Step 1: Determine where the wind comes from;
Step 2: Determine where it is going;
Step 3: Hold up a bag to capture the wind;
Step 4: Close bag quickly;
Step 5: Walk up to the candidate for Born Againness;
Step 6: Open the bag in his face;
Step 7: Wait until the wind stops;
Step 8: Answer questions about the empty bag;
Step 9: Explain what has just happened;
Step 10: Have the person sign the testimony bag;
Step 11: Teach him how to capture the wind;
Step 12: Hand vibrant ministry over to him.

The Church Shows the Way
In a highly publicized case, a school district in California is being sued for having prohibited a teacher from handing out supplementary materials to students of American history because said materials contain unconstitutional references to God. The banned unconstitutional materials include, you guessed it, the Declaration of Independence. Just a matter of time before they discover that the Constitution was ratified in the year of our Lord 1787 (Article VII), hence making the Constitution itself unconstitutional.

But when they find out, they will be up to the challenge, and once again, the Church will have shown them the way! What was Jesus thinking when He made about 160 gallons of wine at the wedding of Cana? What kind of behavior was that? Only one word comes to mind, and that is "un-Christlike."

In the Crosshairs
After Dan Rather came a cropper at the hands of bloggers, the next Establishment Media Guy to come down was Eason Jordan, a major honcho over at CNN. He had told a bunch of people at a Euro conference that the U.S. military had been deliberately targeting journalists in Iraq. Bloggers began yelling and over the side he went.

But lest we get too giddy at the digital opportunities for New Media, let us remember that WorldNetDaily has a Hal Lindsey column. This is to keep us humble.

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