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Volume 17, Issue 3: Cave of Adullam

Mutterings on the Regnant Follies

Cletis T. Hambit

National Sunday Law
Recently got a book in the mail (along with every other resident of our town, I think) entitled National Sunday Law, but it appears to have been written by a Seventh Day Adventist with a lurid view of Sunday. Not sure what the thesis is, exactly, but it appears to run along the same lines as John Fogerty’s Bad Moon Rising. Anyhow, the pope enters into it, thusly: on the pope’s hat, we find the words Vicarius Filii Dei, which means Vicar of the Son of God. Now if you go through this phrase and pull out all the Roman numerals (v, i, c, i, u which is a v, another i, l, i, i, d, and i), and then add them all up, you find that the number is 666.

As much as one hestitates to discourage this new-found confidence among evangelicals . . .

Unleashing Primal Forces
This last May, Trinity Church (Wall Street) decided to have a special "Clown Eucharist." The clown is a symbol, dontchasee, of the "divine foolishness," and clowns "represent the underdog, the lowly, the remant people."

This trick works with Calvinism too.

Fries With That?
A theological genius associated with the Metropolitan Church of the Quad Cities (where’s that? lots of places have Quad Cities) came up with a great idea for a church service. The entire service takes 5 minutes, and nope, you don’t even have to get out of the car. It’s a drive-through.

But when the people in the back of the line start honking, it gets folks out of fellowship.

And Why Not?
National Review reports that we are coming up on the 200th anniversary of the Battle of Trafalgar. At this epic battle the British hero Nelson carried the day with twenty-seven ships, against a combined French and Spanish fleet of thirty-three ships. This October, in honor of said anniversary, the British are holding a reenactment in the Channel off Portsmouth. However, in this reenactment, for fear of offending against certain PC sensitivities, the fleets will be identified merely as Red and Blue. A spokesman for the Royal Navy said, "This should not be a French-bashing opportunity."

But if they both sink, that would turn the water purple, thereby offending me.

Mainstreaming Like Crazy
A group of progressive churches in the Raleigh area have banded together to take a stand against the Religious Right. The coalition of churches has so far identified three common issues that hold them together—inclusion of gays and lesbians, environmentalism, and the need for us to be more responsible global citizens. The "Rev. on His Good Days"Doug Long said, "We feel the primary understanding of Christianity in mainstream America is that of the evangelical right."

Now here’s a lid worthy of such a kettle. A representative of one of the mainstream denominations had to band together with representatives from other mainstream denominations, in order to fight the perceptions of mainstream Americans that Christianity is what the "out of the mainstream" evangelical right says it is. A couple of turns of the river back it appears that the mainstream denominations found their "stream that used to be main" is now just standing water in a bayou somewhere.

Jumpstarting Promise Keepers
From its heyday in the nineties, Promise Keepers has undergone a significant decline in attendance. It is a lot harder to fill a stadium today than it used to be. But continuing the long evangelical tradition of getting revivals penciled in beforehand, Promise Keepers has scheduled twenty revivals this coming year.

The Holy Spirit must have changed booking agents.

A New Skinist Movement
Actually, they call it the kinist movement. Harry Seabrook (at a place called littlegeneva.com) thinks that he is not a white supremacist because he believes heaven will not be populated exclusively by whites. Their web site is characterized by a row of pictures of honorable dead men who are in no position to demand that their images not be used to glorify the running patter of race-baiting.

So here is a little question for the skinists. Are blacks in heaven culturally superior to whites in hell?

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