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Volume 17, Issue 4: Cave of Adullam

Mutterings on the Regnant Follies

Mr. Tumnus

Hat Trick
I was recently regaled (if letters can do that) by a mass mailing missive from the ACLU, which in one way makes me kind of glad. It shows the limits of computer wisdom, for in that letter I was invited "to become the newest card-carrying member of the American Civil Liberties Union." The letter went on, scaring me something terrible, and said, "With the election behind them, administration officials also can be expected to push aggressively a social agenda fueled by the President's personal religious beliefs. From abortion rights, to same-sex marriage . . ."

But what caught my attention was the objection to a social agenda fueled by Mr. Bush's "personal religious beliefs." Since they are against this, we can only surmise what they might be for. Impersonal religious beliefs? Personal irreligious beliefs? Personal religious unbeliefs? Or maybe they might go for all three—impersonal irreligious unbeliefs. To make America strong again.

Keeping the Faith
One dispensational newsletter writer acknowledges one of the problems that comes with the territory: "I have also projected dates for prophetic fulfillment that failed to materialize. Once again, the culprit in the calculation always seems to be the assumptions the scenario rests upon. In this regard, I consider it crucial that we not grow discouraged as some have, and conclude that no-one [sic] will ever have the prophetic truth concerning the times in which we live."

The trick is to get rid of erroneous assumptions without actually making them go away.

Same Song, Different Verse
Some churches are now renting movie theaters for worship on Sunday morning. The place smells like popcorn, and one pastor says that it feels "less churchy" and "less traditional." His church features a live band, movie clips, skits and refreshments.

How many centuries before the less churchy churches start to feel kind of churchy, making the churchy churches less so, if you follow my drift?

For All Their Faults, We Love Our House of Peers
Lord Pearson, a member of the British House of Lords, recently had surgery for varicose veins, and while under an anesthetic during that surgery he had a vision of God. The upshot of it was that "God was sad" because he was "losing the fight of good against evil." The peer returned to us with the message that "people had to fight harder against evil for God to win."

Okay. We resolve to fight harder against evil, and will start with Pelagianism.

Jesus and the Twelve Podners
A school has opened up in Texas that instructs people on how to preach Jesus, Western style. No, not Western civilization style, or Numinor style, but former-rodeo-clown style. Called the School of Western Ministries, they offer seventeen weeks of instruction for those "called to minister in any and every area of the `Western world.'"

We recommend this course highly, giving it our highest rating of five cow pies.

Bless My Sole
In order to prove I am not making this up, let me begin with the web address—, a place where you can obtain shoe inserts that have Bible verses on them. This is so that you can "stand" on the Word of God. There is a discipleship program that goes with this. The first thing is to study the verse on the insert. Second, you say the summary confirmation. Third, place in right shoe and stand on it. Fourth, meditate on the verse with every step. Fifth, record your experience in the companion journal. Sixth, hang up their air-freshener thingy. Seventh, complete their "power walk" Bible study.

The inserts can be customized with the name of your church or organization. One idea might be to have them made with the name of your denominational enemy, and have them given away at presbytery for door prizes.

But There Is Always a Bright Side
Economic shifts and declining birth rates in Europe have set the stage for the comeback of the wolf. Europe stands to lose 41 million people by 2030, and the wolves are picking up real estate.

But that is just the first step. After the European forests grow back, and the wolves start to roam again, we may once again see the resurgence of the European fairy tale. For as we all know, most of our early literature was designed for no other purpose than to keep the kids out of the woods.

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