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Volume 19, Issue 1: Cave of Adullam

Mutterings on the Regnant Follies

Herbert of Clairveaux

Aw, Canada
This last fall, several evangelical Christian schools in Quebec were told by the the Ministry of Education that they had to teach sex education and Darwin's theory of evolution or shut down.

Why shut them down? Just let `er rip. The fittest schools should survive, if what they say is true.

Cats!
A US biotech company has invented (if that's the word) a different kind of cat. These cats have been selectively bred to reduce the kind of protein in them that triggers allergic reactions in people. The cats cost just shy of four grand each, and there is a waiting list.

Now they should work on breeding humility into cats. What about those people who are allergic to feline pharisaism?

Some Of His Beliefs May Have Leaked Out!
The Minneapolis Police Department suspended their use of a Christian psychologist because of his past affiliation with (sit down if you need to) the Illinois Family Institute. IFI believes, apparently, that homosexual behavior is wrong, and Dr. Campion (for that is his name) apparently shared that opinion—and went out of the house with it. The primary fear was that he had allowed his personal convictions to run around loose in his head while conducting psychological evaluations of other people who did not share those convictions.

And as scholars of the First Amendment never tire of telling us, we Christians have to keep our personal convictions wrapped in tin foil inside a Tupperware container, frozen in the deep freezer of the soul, whenever conducting any business that has anything whatever to do with the public. So on behalf of social conservatives everywhere, we apologize for the behavior of Dr. Campion, who may have (deliberately!) left the tin foil off.

From Da Da to Doo Doo
We believe that some of our readers might know something about Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes. Those who do should schedule some time to visit with their pastor soon. But for those of you don't, we're here to help. Tom and Katie (TomKat in the tabloids) recently had their first child and named her Suri. Okay, got that? Now comes a sculptor, and the arts of Western civ continue to advance from strength to strength. Said sculptie is named Daniel Edwards. He made a bronze cast of Suri's very first bowel movement. It was shown at the Capla Kesting gallery in Brooklyn.

How can sculpture be a literary irony at the same time? Amazing what they can do these days.

Eerie Glow Inc.
Apparently there is a big imbroglio going with Thomas Kinkade Co. and ex-dealers and owners of Thomas Kinkade Signature Galleries, bemused by-standers, and the FBI. There is a civil suit going and rumors of a federal investigation of the whole shebeal.
The FBI here is the Federal Bureau of Illuminosity.

Flies With That?
The Wendy's drive through in Burbank is experimenting with a process that may land us all in international snarls pretty soon. When you place your order, you get your stuff hot and now, just like the old days. But the difference is that the person taking the order is sitting in New Hampshire, 3,000 miles away.

Calcutta here we come!

Bishop Babes
Katharine Jefferts Schori was recently installed as the head honchette of American Episcopalianism. The Episcopal Church in America used to be called (back in the day) the Republican Party at prayer. Nowadays, thanks to their unrelenting pursuit of relevance—than which nothing is more irrelevant—we will have to come up with something else to call them.

How about the Endangered Species List at prayer?

We Haven't Made the Big Time Till We're Used for Fund Raising
The Southern Poverty Law Center puts out the ineptly named Intelligence Report. In the latest installment, they did an exposé of some preacher guy in northern Idaho who is a hardline right-winger, and who promotes HATE. You know, we've lived up here for over thirty years. Not sure who they're talking about.

But HATE stands for Helping All Teaching Elders. It's a ministerial support group.

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