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Volume 7, Issue 6: Cave of Adullam

Mutterings on the Regnant Follies

Archibald Hodgenot

Biblical Homosexuality?
According to The Berean Call, the most recent edition of The New Bible Dictionary has come up with a new explanation for Biblical condemnation of homosexuality. It seems that homosexual rape is all that is condemned and the Bible never mentions, let alone makes any nasty comments about, " . . . a caring homosexual relationship between consenting partners."

Some of our readers would like us to lay off the homosexuals so we are going to be really guarded and careful in our comments. Not that we should have to, because the biblical injunctions against homophobia did not really have post-Industrial Revolution homophobia in view at all, as Leithwerst pointed out in his magisterial work on this subject. 1 Homophobes in biblical times were simply contributing to the broader turmoil resulting from cult prostitution and rape, and were not at all comparable to the new, caring homophobes of today or to the women who love them.

Exegetical Elvis Sightings
Wall Street Journal reports on the much-ballyhooed version of the New Testament and Psalms published by Oxford (!), former home to Wyclif, which version strives for inclusive language. Slaves have become "enslaved people," the "right hand of God" is now the "mighty hand of God" so as not to offend left-handed people, darkness is no longer a metaphor for evil which is offensive to people of color, Christ is now the "Human One," and not the Son of Man, and the handicapped are no longer defined in terms of that handicap ( i.e., "the blind") but rather as people who happen to have that attribute ( i.e., "those who are blind").

One crucial change was overlooked. They failed to locate Heaven in the coal cellar. Ah, well, next edition.

Time Warp and Warped Minds
In a recent book, The King James Controversy, James White mentions certain "small groups" who believe the KJV (New Testament included) to be the translation that was used by such big names as Moses, Abraham, and various prophets.

Moses and the prophets . . . sure, we buy that. But we have concrete evidence that Abraham used a pocket-sized Gideon New Testament; he especially liked the green one.

That's Not Embarassing
The Spokesman Review recently ran a story on "Christian" merchandise running amok in our nation's corridors of business. It seems that quite a few Christians disapprove of the entire industry. But in an attempt to justify his livelihood, Jesusjunk salesman Bill Anderson claimed that "Jesus is Lord" sun-visors and baby Jesus Gummi Candies, among other things, are extremely useful in evangelism and that if Christ preached today he would definitely have His disciples "hawking" hardware in the back.

Well, okay. But only because Jesus would have done it.

A Place at the Table
National Review reports on how the "Christian Coalition" headed by Ralph Reed has become a dominant force in American politics. They quote him, respectfully, thus: "We have gained what we have always sought," declared Executive Director Ralph Reed. "A place at the table."

Hey. This is a bit of all right. If they let us sit at the table it is only a matter of time before they let us have some of their food! If we are really, really good can we have it now? Huh? Huh?

The O.J. Trial
As you no doubt know by now, the jury . . .

Oh, never mind.

Lust in the Library
In an interview with Citizen magazine, Judith Krug, in the Office for Intellectual Freedom, a division of the American Library Association, had this to say of parents who would not let their children read Playboy: that they "don't really care about their kids growing up and learning to think and explore."

Some open minds need to be closed for repairs.

On The Other Hand . . .
In Spokane, Washington, the school district is removing the comic book "Tintin in America" from school libraries after a Native American complained that the book was racially demeaning and insulting. Kathy Posnett, a Native American Bi-pedal Carbon Unit, Federal NABCU Number 65482374, said that "Tintin is tied to a pole. Indians are presented in a sterotypical way with head-dresses dancing around him in an angry kind of way."

Now our readers need to take special care to follow this closely. The decision to pull this book was NOT censorship, but was rather a simple matter of careful selection by trained library professionals. Do not try this at home. Censorship, on the other hand, occurs only when a complaint is filed by a patron that the library officials in question have reason to believe is going to Heaven when he dies.

Important Notice
In a rare serious Cave postscript, we would like briefly to comment on our moderate use of sarcasm on this page. It has perhaps appeared to some readers that our sarcasm is not really Christ-like. We do agree with this criticism, believing ourselves not to be nearly as good at it as He was.

At the same time, this failing aside, we do want to let our readers know that beneath this crusty, sometimes gruff, occasionally-sarcastic exterior, deep-down inside, we feel exactly the same way.

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