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Volume 8, Issue 2: Cave of Adullam

Mutterings on the Regnant Follies

The Rev. Mrs. Idolette Digby

The Grateful Dead
Just when we thought Finland had quit being such a weird country, we had to go and read this. "All the way from Finland! Is it possible for dead singers to come back from beyond the grave and sing for you?" Well, apparently some think so. One Aulikki Plaami, "Europe's finest medium," is on the road as a tube through which dead musicians may yell at us. She apparently has been sung through in fourteen different languages, and it matters not if the dead wish to sing bass or soprano, they're just happy to be making noise again, and hey, she can handle it. What a great concert: "You may recognize their voices, their mannerisms. . . You'll smile and laugh, you may even cry for joy!" The suggested donation is $20.00.

Great. We've never heard Mozart "live"! Just think of the other possibilities: Handel, Haydn, Hendrix, Chopin, Stevie Ray, Bach, Lennon, and to top off the evening, Jerry Garcia.

Gonadal Liberalism in Germany
"Christian News from CFT" reports that a Lutheran Church in Rheinland, Germany, has come up with a brilliant piece of biblical exegesis and is now attempting to pass it off on the rest of the German faithful. It seems that they have done extensive research and have determined that marriage is not biblical. But wait, come back. You haven't heard their reasoning. Nowhere in the Bible is marriage as a word or state even mentioned! In fact we bet you never knew that the Bible promotes "free sex" and multiple partners, because, after all, sexual gratification is a "foretaste" of Heaven. They rest their case. At least on that subject. They then move on to homosexuality, which they have found to be biblical after all. Homosexual marriages are okay, and should receive the blessing of the church. It's all good.

Liberal exegesis has been doing the dead man's float in the deep end of the pool of life for so long that the body is bloated, and the fumes are pretty Icky and Gross.

Where Credit is Due
We are not always critical of the actions of civil government. For example, we have it on reliable authority that the following was passed by voice vote in the Senate of New Mexico. "When a psychologist or psychiatrist testifies during a defendant's competency hearing, the psychologist or psychiatrist shall wear a cone-shaped hat that is not less than two feet tall. The surface of the hat shall be imprinted with stars and lightning bolts. Additionally, a psychologist or psychiatrist shall be required to don a white beard that is not less than 18 inches in length, and shall punctuate crucial elements of his testimony by stabbing the air with a wand. Whenever a psychologist or psychiatrist provides expert testimony regarding a defendant's competency, the bailiff shall contemporaneously dim the courtroom lights and administer two strikes to a Chinese gong."

The Drunken Sailor Budget
And here is something which you probably didn't want to know. The National Trim! Bulletin reports, "Hoover Dam was built in the 1930s for $52 million. A posh new visitor center was completed this year -- for $123 million." But now you do know and are once more feeling that warm fuzzy sensation, commonly called love, toward our civil gummint. They're great, aren't they? Let's give 'em a hand!

We take it back. It isn't nice to make fun of people with spending disability syndrome. Besides, they'll probably improvethey have quite a good-sized support group now back in the DC area.

Zeal in Search of a Cause
Dave Hunt's publication, The Berean Call , recently quoted, with approval, the fulminations of that hothead of old, William Lloyd Garrison. The gentleman had said, in his pious pursuit of bloodshed and slaughter, "I will be harsh as truth and as uncompromising as justice. On this subject [slavery] I do not wish to think, or speak, or write, with moderation . . . ."

We regret that yet another Christian publication has sucumbed to the siren calls of liberalism. It doesn't matter what side you fight on, as long as you are sincere and fight with enthusiasm!

How's That Again?
According to CFT, a couple of Christian women in South Africa have been hauled into court for having written and circulated a pamphlet pointing out the satanic origins of Halloween. The case is being watched closely, in that the "Freedom of Religion" and "Freedom of Speech" clauses of their bill of rights are about to collide with the "Hate Speech" clause.

Clearly the government of South Africa is new at this New World Order business. Trial? Just report 'em to social workers.

Hormone Taxes
Sarah Boxer of the New York Times recently reported on a proposal from psychologist June Stephenson, to wit, to charge all male taxpayers a $100 user fee in order to support the criminal justice system that they make so necessary. Apparently June has discovered that the majority of criminals are men, and the system we now have in place is not cost-effective, something our government really cares about. June thinks it's time that men took responsibility for the actions of their sex -- they are the greatest enviromental offenders (the government), they beat their wives, sexually abuse children, promote hatred and racism, gang rape, litter, manipulate the stock market, commit arson, and they're not women.

And all that is covered with a hundred bucks?

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