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Volume 8, Issue 5: Cave of Adullam

Mutterings on the Regnant Follies

Yule B. Sawry

In Case of Emergancy, Break Glass
One of us received an interesting advertisement recently. The ad was on a 3 by 5 card, with the fascinating headline, "Murphy Qwick-Ship Pulpit Robes." The copy goes on to read, "When you need a pulpit robe in a hurry, Murphy Qwick-Ship is the answer . . ."

Panic at the parsonage! "What can we do, sister Martha?!" "I know dear! Let's call Murphy Qwick-Ship Pulpit Robes! They've never let us down before!"

Reductio ad Whateverum
National Review posited an interesting consideration during these muddled times. With regard to the Supreme Court VMI decision, they said, "Same-sex public colleges are unconstitutional; same-sex marriage may soon be constitutional."

Which reminds us. This column may be the appropriate venue to suggest the appropriate response which should be taken by every Christian throughout our great Republic if same-sex marriages are ever declared legal. The morning after, in front of every county courthouse in the land, a line of no less than 500 Christians should form, waiting patiently for their new marriage licenses. The first would want to marry a toaster, the second his car, the third his fly-fishing gear, the next three should all want to marry the same woman. . . .

Funding Nice Things
The deadline for application has already passed, but Washington State University was in fact circulating a notice for a nifty grant opportunity. "GRANT OPPORTUNITY: Hate Crimes Prevention." They want us to know that the "purpose of this program is to support the development of innovative programs that demonstrate effective new methods of ensuring safe and drug-free schools and communities."

Our suggestion is that we fight hate crimes by making love crimes mandatory.

Demented or Just Deranged?
A small note for prophecy buffs everywhere. A recent newsletter by Texe Marrs was kind enough to identify the present location of the builder of the Beast. As it turns out, it is in Maryland at the National Security Agency headquarters at Fort Meade. "As you will discover in this mind-boggling, audiotaped investigative expose, these systems of control are so diabolically effective that only a mastermind could originally have conceived them. Can there really be any doubt about it? Is the Chief Executive Office of the NSA a human being . . . or is this monstrous agency headed behind the scenes by Lucifer himself?"

We can see it now. A clever resident of Ephesus two thousand years ago was there at church when John's prophecy was first read to them. The apostle had invited any with wisdom to figure out what John himself knew the identity of the Beast. After six nights of research and toil, Demetrius turned to his roommate and asked, "What is the National Security Agency? And where is Fort Meade?"

So What's Your Point?
The word on the street is that a five thousand dollar camera set up in a Colorado high school, in order to deter vandalism and theft, was, uh, and we are somewhat embarrassed to report this, stolen.

They obviously needed two cameras, with each one keeping an eye on the other one.

But What About Spiderman?
In the latest issue of New Man, a trendy catalog was included for our perusal. The catalog was entitled "Fish Tale," and a small flotilla of sanctified geegaws were offered for our purchase. With one product, the accompanying copy queried, "Who's Your Super Hero?" Not content to leave it there, the question is answered off to the right. "When you think about it, isn't it really Jesus?" The designer also served as the model and bares his chest in one picture to show us a Superman logo with the Chi Rho symbol of Christ inserted for the S of Superman.

Not only this, but another tee shirt has the descending dove of the Holy Spirit shaped to look like the bat in the Batman logo. We are getting tired of making fun of these people, and it is almost time to get the horsewhip. One with that little fish symbol.

But Wait, They Weren't Done . . .
On the back of this same page, we find a fetching little trio of tables called The Trinity Table. "Dynamic yet stable! Inspired by the simplicity and stability of the triangle form, these dynamic tables are an elegant expression of the Trinity."

But if they were trying to picture the god of modern evangelicalism we have no idea why they picked something stable.

Pope Turns Evangelical!
We've all heard of the Pope's recent claim that to the Pontifical Academy of Sciences that evolution is compatible with Christianity: "[I]t is indeed remarkable that this theory has progressively taken root in the minds of researchers following a series of discoveries made in different spheres of knowledge."

What's stunning is not really the Pope's caving in to modern mythology. Rome has had lots of practice with Aristotle. We thought only evangelicals got excited about intellectual trends ten years after everybody else gives up on them. Welcome aboard captain! Next thing you know, he'll want to teach at Calvin College!

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