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Volume 9, Issue 2: Cave of Adullam

Mutterings on the Regnant Follies

Philip the Newt

English Major?
A recent study of English programs in major universities, conducted by the National Alumni Forum, found that about two-thirds of the 67 schools tested no longer require study of the great writers for English majors. By great writers we mean Chaucer, Shakespeare, Milton, et al. Instead, the schools offer a wide variety of interesting classes. Georgetown offers a course on The Gangster Film, Duke offers Melodrama and Soap Opera, and the elite Ivy League school Dartmouth offers Tewntieth-Century American Boxing Fiction and Film.

We of course are offended that there is, as of yet, no opportunities for those who deeply desire to have a Muppets major.

Crazy Tishbite!
The Rev. Bob Schenk, general secretary in the National Clergy Council, was held up for about fifteen minutes by the Secret Service before agents would allow him to leave the Washington National Cathedral. The problem? Well, the Rev. Bob had been present at the same time Clinton and his family were waiting to receive communion. Not one to pass up a perfect opportunity, the good reverend took a moment of that time to mention Clinton's veto of a late-term-abortion ban. He leaned over the altar rail and passed something on to the President. His words? "God will hold you to account, Mr. President."

Go, Bob, go!

Canadian Art
In Toronto one disgruntled art student has determined that many of the world's masterpieces are crud, and he is therefore on a mission. Name: Jubal Brown. School: Ontario College of Art. Mission: to puke in a primary color on three of the offending masterpieces. Thus far, he is two for two. On November 2, he loaded up on blue jello and cake icing and delivered his editorial comment on Composition in Red, White and Blue by Piet Mondrian, displayed by New York's Museum of Modern Art. Red was his next color and Raoul Dufy's Harbour at le Havre in the Art Gallery of Ontario was his next victim. Unfortunately, we also have a downside to this heart-warming, human-interest story. He is doing all this because the paintings are "stale, obedient, lifeless crusts" and he wants "to liberate individuals and living creatures from . . . banal, oppressive representation."

What we have here is a co-belligerent. Strong on method, but weak on why.

Some People are Just Plain Dumb and Stupid
The television network Nickelodeon has always been a bulwark of high art for kids and is now building on its strengths and moving into politics. It has published a little flyer entitled the "Kids' Bill of Rights," and with somebody's cooperation, is inserting them in cereal boxes. Among these rights are the following, "YOU have the right to make mistakes without someone making you feel like a jerkhead." And of course, "YOU have the right to an education that prepares you to run the world when it's your turn." And the children are told, "YOU have a right to your opinions and feelings even if others don't agree with them."

There must be some deep reason why these folks don't want people calling other people jerkheads when they are in the midst of doing something really, really . . . um, unproductive.

G-Rated Jesus
We have it on good authority (The JESUS Film Project support letter) that angels have begun to help The JESUS Film Project. Yes sir, down there in Mozambique, Willie Erasmus was trying to get his 4x4's carrying the precious cargo "of the Yao translation of JESUS . . . across a bridge. The trucks went across so easily that it was as though they . . . were being held aloft by angels until they were safely on the other side." When Paul Eshleman (Director of The JESUS Film Project) asked Willie if he meant that angels had literally carried them across, he replied, `Oh for sure! . . . It was absolutely miraculous . . . so fantastic?'

We told Willie not to drink the water down there.

News Flash!
Some may be heartened to know that Still Waters Revival Books, a Canadian ministry of some note, has apparently modified its earlier and very strong stand in favor of exclusive psalmody. This good news came with their latest catalog, which contained their ad for a facsimile of the complete 1599 Geneva Bible. As the ad noted, the marginal notes were authored by Calvin, Knox, and other leaders in the Reformation. In the back of this magisterial work, a metrical psalter is included for use in congregational singing in the Reformed churches. At the very beginning of this collection, we find a most cool collection of hymns and songs not found in the book of Psalms. The whole shebang is introduced with the title page which says the following are "set forth and allowed to be sung in all Churches." As the catalog put it so well for another entry, "If you want to know that what you are being taught is the genuine Reformed Faith, then go to the source documents!"

You are herewith encouraged to buy a copy of the 1599 Geneva Bible from Still Waters ([email protected] 159.95 clams, Canadian), and shortly thereafter you are encouraged to get your worship leader to work up some overheads for the Song of S. Ambrose, Te Deum, the Song of the Blessed Mary, the Lord's Prayer, and the Ten Commandments. The guitar chords are not included.

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