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Volume 9, Issue 2: Whole Counsel

Schlect's Top Ten

Cris Schlect

Top Ten Things that Calvin edited out of his Institutes just before publication of the 1536 edition:

10. Indulgent reference to King Francis I as a "Wine-swilling little Popemeister"
9. Book I's lengthy outline of a 12-step program for counseling Adult Children of Codependent Pelagians
8. Dustjacket endorsement from J.I. Packer
7. His overused phrase "rootin'-tootin"
6. Perforated tear-out coupons for half-price pints at a popular Genevan alehouse
5. In the chapter on Common Grace in Book II, his argument for the lawfulness of Christian rock artists signing with secular recording labels
4. The scholarly footnotes by translator Ford Lewis Battles (fortunately rediscovered in 1960)
3. Photo insert of Calvin, decked in shades and a furry guitar shaped like Texas, impersonating ZZ Top bandmembers
2. The detailed outline of the rules for Lawn Bowling in his exposition on the fourth commandment
1. Gary North's preface boasting, "Calvin's Institutes will one day be as influential as Rushdoony's Institutes. . . . "

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