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Volume 9, Issue 3: Cave of Adullam

Mutterings on the Regnant Follies

Mutterin's Cousin Eddy

The Rupert Murdoch Version
According to World magazine, Zondervan, a wholly-owned subsidiary of HarperCollins, in turn owned by Rupert Murdoch's The News Corporation, has a plan in the works to make their very popular NIV translation of the Bible gender-inclusive by the year 2000 or 2001. They already have the thing decked out in a skirt and blouse over in Britain, in order to compete with the NRSV over there.

In a surprising move, the editors of Credenda want to go on record as supporting this important change. We see it this way--if modern evangelicalism doesn't have any testosterone, there is no reason their bible should.

Better Than We Deserve
The Equal Opportunity Employment Commission has issued some guidance so that employers might know what is expected of them under the Americans with Disabilities Act of 1990. Appears that employers may not discriminate against qualified workers with . . . mental illness. The new rules say that employers should be alert to the possibility that traits normally thought undesirable "chronic lateness, poor lateness, hostility to co-workers or supervisors" may simply be a disability that they have to work around.

Seems like to us that the folks at the EOEC are just trying to protect their own jobs.

British Fruit
This last March, one Rev. John Papworth renounced the official Anglican policy on shoplifting, which species of theft is now apparently okeedokee with him. He feels that shoplifting is a legitimate method for "reallocating economic resources." He also thinks that the supermarkets had it coming because their advertising makes people hungry. Then, not having received enough attention for his first announcement, the next day the Rev. Papworth let the world know that in 1966 he had been an accomplice in smuggling British traitor George Blake out of the country and into the Soviet Union. Mr. Blake had been responsible for the deaths of 42 British agents and currently resides in Moscow.

We confess to the watching secular world that in the Who's Who of Church History, the Rev. Papworth is not the sharpest knife in our ecclesiastical drawer.

The Vestal Virgins are Daid
According to this news article we have right here, Toni Braxton has been offering some ethical insights. Now we don't really know who she is, but the article says she won a Grammy for something or other, and we are not prepared to dispute it. Well, anyways, she was talking about sex (and nowadays who isn't?), and she relieved our minds considerably when she said, "My criteria for having sex now is I have to be d*** near in love with the person."

Whoa. Talk about moral backlash.

Get A Rope
And while we are on the subject of people who understand biblical standards at about Ms. Braxton's level, Spread the Fire magazine, an official organ of the Toronto monkeyshines, says that revival broke out as a result of singing a worship song called "True Love," in which the lyrics, taken from the Song of Solomon, call out to the Lord, "Let me know the kisses of your mouth; let me feel your embrace. . . ." The article describes how the song was introduced over some initial reluctance. But the only requirement the worship leader placed on the singing of this [prophetic expletive deleted] was that the ladies had to sing the more intimate chorus, lest anyone think that their worship doings there were indecent. Apparently, the point was to keep the guys comfortable, knowing that their toronto Jesus is straight, and only wanted to kiss all the girls there. Unfortunately, the toronto holy spirit showed up, bringing in true revival, and got all the guys singing it too.

This article in Spread the Hellfire magazine was entitled "In-to-me-see." Get it? Intimacy? In-to-me-see? This explains a lot--you can see a long way into a vacuum.

Triumph in Chicago
Newsweek was reporting on a lousy school in Chicago when an unexpected ray of sunshine broke in. Previously only 5 percent of the students could read at grade level. A tough principal was brought in, and well . . . let's just let the results speak for themselves. The principal reported that "now 6 percent of Englewood's students were reading at grade level. Some teachers burst into tears of joy."

Now one percent more will be able to read the street signs as they try to get out of that place.

Wind in the Willows
Willow Creek Community Church's pastor, Bill Hybels, is quite a fellow. In this space, we have before mentioned the church's offer to change the oil in the car of needy worshippers. And one of our editors found out in a personal visit that the church also offers the benefit of a whacking great food court for those who desire Mexican, Chinese or just a regular old burger after the sermon. And on top of it all, on a flyer out in the foyer, Pastor Hybels claimed that "You can't market Jesus."

And they ought to know; they've been trying to figure out how to do it for years.

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