Volume 9, Issue 4: Cave of Adullam
Mutterings on the Regnant Follies
Rochester Racoon, Esq.
It has been brought to our attention that a certain government school in the beautiful county of Whatcom, somewhere in this fair Republic, required its second graders to memorize a bit of poetry. The said poem is reproduced below:
Homework! Oh Homework! I hate you! You stink!
I wish I could wash you away in the sink,
if only a bomb would explode you to bits.
Homework! Oh Homework! You're giving me fits.
The work is of unknown origin.
After recording the poem we discovered that when played backwards, it doesn't make any sense.
Everyone in the civilized world is familiar with the Got-Milk? ad campaign, and most everyone enjoys it. Because we live in a fallen world, there will always be, right after some great accomplishment, someone stupid doing something stupid. In keeping with this iron law, there is now a bumpersticker roaming around that reads Got-Jesus? in the same font and style as the Got-Milk? original. No doubt thousands have already been converted.
Modern evangelicals. We love every bone in their heads.
Just Stop It!
Helen Stassell has been a park ranger in Washington for over twenty years. Recently she discovered how foolish it is to mess with the big papa. She crossed the line and paid for it. The law requires that anyone who works over forty hours a week be paid overtime. Helen left her forty hours in the dust when she worked after hours, without pay, helping a historical society locate a site. Helen was suspended for six days.
Gosh! What's next? Park rangers that feed the bears?
Send It In Anyway
In Reason magazine, Charles Oliver relates the story of one Pamela Damon, who had $1,200 coming back to her from the IRS. When she called the IRS to find out where it was, they informed her that she could not receive a refund, for she had been dead for 26 years.v
This had been no barrier to her paying the taxes, however.
Original Beowulf Humor
Eart bu se Beowulf se be wid Brecan wunne, on sidne sae ymb sund flite?
What a joker! Okay. So you had to be there.
Here Comes the Hot-Stepper
Integrity Music has the answers to your problems. For a donation of twenty dollars (twenty-eight, Canadian) you can have your very own Praise Walk start up kit. The kit includes two audio tapes because "yes we walk by faith - but adding peppy music to our exercise can't hurt!" The purpose of the kit is to get you walking your way into physical and spiritual shape. Listen to the tapes while you walk and you'll be "burning calories and toning the temple in no time!"
It bears mentioning that Bill Gothard lost twenty pounds on the Praise Walk program.
The National Sexual Rights Council is fundraising again. The Council is actively pursuing the legalization of all adult consensual sex and is working to get teenage hookers off the streets. The Council is also practicing what they preach. Anyone who donates at least one-hundred and fifty-thousand bucks gets to sleep with each of the seven members of the Pretty Women Committee. If you give only a couple hundred dollars you will receive a big kiss and a T-shirt.
We are surprised that the Democratic National Committee did not think of this first.
Publick Skool Defensuvness
We recently got hold of a paper commissioned by the Washington Association of School Administrators and the Association of Washington School Principals. These groups are WASA and AWSP respectively. The paper is called Critics of Change, and is basically an enemy's list of all those groups from the "Religious Far Right" who have organized "to oppose current proposals and programs in public education restructuring." One part of the paper is called "Tentacles of the Religious Right" compiled by a man named Frosty Troy, as Priam used to say on late November mornings. Anyhow, back to the story. Here is how they describe the nefarious James Dobson, "who eschews the overt redneck approach of most of the Religious Right . . . a FOF trademark is to deny being anti-public education, claiming to promote common sense approaches to problems. Don't believe it."
No, go ahead and believe it. Of course one advantage of all this is that when the secularists have finally convinced themselves that all our squishy moderates are actually flaming radicals, they will have no idea that genuine radicals exist. Heh, heh, heh [Evil cackle].
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