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Cave of Adullam: Mutterings
Written by Editor   
Saturday, 29 August 2009 16:30

Raking the Nonsense

No real sense in mentioning what the advertisement was for actually, but the folks at CBA Retailers & Resources did let the ad run. The backdrop for the ad was this big old painting of Jesus pulling up His right sleeve so that we could all see His tattoo. Just what the Christian world needed—Jesus with a tat. The tattoo in question was a heart with a scroll unrolled across it emblazoned with the word Father, and behind the scroll the heart itself was pierced through with a cross.

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A pastor in Indiana brought a dirt bike to a church service to demonstrate the concept of unity (in which a driver becomes one with the bike). Instead he almost became one with the pew in the front row after the bike got away from him and he broke his wrist. The Germans have a word for when the driver “becomes one” with his vehicle—farfegnugen. In English we just call that a crash.

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Dr. Frederic J. Baur was very pleased and proud that he had designed the container used (down to this present day) by Pringles potato crisps. An inventor of many things, he was proudest of this one, and held the patent on it. So he asked his family to bury him in one, which they did. Part of his cremated remains were put in a Pringles can, and the rest of him in a regular old urn.

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In a development that surprised this correspondent, country western music has taken off big time in France. In another development that should surprise no one, that nation’s bureaucrats have been pushing to bring the craze under some kind of regulatory control. They want to create an “official country dancing diploma” that will authorize recipients of said diploma to be put in charge of all line dancing and balls.

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Frank Kameny was recently honored by the Smithsonian for his work in pressuring the American Psychiatric Association back in 1973 to reclassify same-sex sex as no longer a mental disorder. Still up to his old tricks, he recently wrote that there is no such thing as a sexual perversion, and that bestiality was fine “as long as the animal doesn’t mind.” Because of that “as long as the animal doesn’t mind” stuff, let’s just call this Nihilism Lite.

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In a recent madcap miracle mix-up, an image of the Virgin Mary appeared on a grape belonging to a young Texas woman. The only problem is that Becky Ginn, 24, is a Baptist from the Dallas area. “I thought this stuff just happened to Catholics,” she said.

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Stuff White People Like reports: “There are a number of industries that survive solely upon white guilt: Penguin Classics, the SPCA, free range chicken farms, and the entire rubber bracelet market. Yet all of these pale in comparison to classical music, which has used white guilt to exist for over a century beyond its relevance.”

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The downturn in the housing market has even affected the Shire. A development in Bend, Oregon was going to be a village of 31 homes in the style of Middle Earth. Two houses have been completed, with one of them having an actual “hobbit hole” for the garden equipment. There is also supposed to a network of streams and ponds with a pathway to “The Ring Bearer’s Court.” There will even be artificial thatched roofs. But it appears the developer is selling the whole deal, and he does hope the new owner will respect the concept. The new owner, a Mr. Saruman, could not be reached for comment. (Made the last part up, but not the first part.)

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The crash site of Flight 93 in Pennsylvania is going to have a memorial built there, of course, and in these our deranged times, what better way to commemorate the work of Islamic terrorists than by planting a huge crescent of red trees? Just like the Islamic crescent? And while we are at it, why not have it oriented to Mecca? Anybody who has a problem with this is probably harboring some kind of xenophobic hatred in his heart.

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Democracy is thriving in Tennessee. A woman named Angela Tuttle showed up to vote in the election for constable. Since there was no one on the ballot, and because Angela was the only one who voted in that race, and because she wrote her own name in, she won handily.

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In Miami this last summer, a middle-aged man was arrested because he was heading for a metals-recycling center with a 40-foot-long municipal street lamp strapped to the roof of his car.

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In the standing category of American high school students getting in trouble for weird stuff, a girl in Texas has been forbidden to wear her rosary beads around her neck to school because they are “gang-related.” That’s one way to look at it, we suppose.

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At the recent Princeton Regional Conference on Reformed Theology, co-sponsored by the Alliance of Confessing Evangelicals, the speakers who were lined up to “share God’s truths from Scripture” were Dr. Al Mohler (yay) Dr. Don Carson (yay) and Dr. Diane Langberg (huh?).

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A watchful correspondent pointed us to the thoughtful musings of Catherine McNicol Stock in The Philadelphia Inquirer. “Despite her efforts to portray herself as an average, small-town, ‘folksy’ American, Sarah Palin’s political views—ardently pro-gun, pro-censorship, antichoice and antigay—make John McCain’s conservative credentials pale in comparison.” Catherine Stock is the chair of the history department at Connecticut College, and knows whereof she speaks. But all this folksy conservatism has a dark side, a secret that hardly dares speak its name. Palin, it turns out, is from the Pacific Northwest. Are you as shocked as we are? We had no idea. “Demographics most basically define this geographic region. In the six states that make up the Pacific Northwest—Washington, Oregon, Idaho, Montana, Wyoming and Alaska—only six counties are more than 5 percent African American.” It is for this reason that Stock informed us that our region of the country is known by the sobriquet “Great White Northwest.” Now she teaches at Connecticut College and so we should probably defer to her on this, but we have lived out here for thirty years or more without ever hearing it called that. We have heard that Canada was called the Great White North, but that was because of the snow, we thought. Anyways . . . Stock concludes on an upbeat note. “There is no evidence that Palin was ever affiliated with white-supremacist groups during her years in Idaho or at home in Alaska.” Whew! That was close!

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A recent bumper sticker nailed it. “I already have a Savior. I’m looking for a president.”



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Last Updated on Wednesday, 14 October 2009 16:27