Pastor Rick Warren has recently pledged to lose 90 pounds, and is promoting what is called The Daniel Plan in his congregation at Saddleback. Now getting a bunch of Christians to lose some weight is no small task. It is not a trifling affair. Consequently, they have called in the big guns of Hinduism, Buddhism, and Swedenborgianism to help the faithful out.

This is called The Daniel Plan in honor of the prophet Daniel who heroically chose the Hebraic wheat germ over the Babylonian cheesecake, the Mosaic tofu over the Chaldean death-by-chocolate, and the Torah's carob cookies over the Mesopotamian deep fried fritters. Now some critics may say that these contrasting options are not really in the text. To which we reply, if something is cleared by Oprah, it doesn't have to be in the text. Where you been, man?

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