Femina - Volume 7, Issue 2

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Be at Peace

Nancy Wilson

Women who want to be at peace with other women must come to understand the very important difference between principles and methods . A dictionary defines a principle as "a basic truth, general law, or doctrine used as a basis of reasoning or a guide to actions or behavior." A Christian woman must learn to think biblically; she must derive her basic principles of living from God's Word. The world eagerly presses its principles regarding marriage and child-rearing upon us. But if we learn to think like Christians, we can discern between worldly and Christian principles.

A method, in contrast, is "a procedure or way of doing something." In other words, we use methods to apply our principles. For example, a sound mothering principle is "All Christian mothers should feed their babies." This principle could easily be substantiated in Scripture, and few, if any, would take issue with such a fundamental principle. In spite of general agreement on this and other related principles, however, much disagreement exists on the method of applying this simple precept. Some women breast feed their babies; some bottle feed. And of course there is the question of schedule feeding vs. nonschedule feeding, when to wean baby, and so forth.

Within a Christian community, families will certainly share many common principles, but their methods will vary. Sometimes an overzealous allegiance to method will lead to confusion and controversy, for the method of feeding baby can become larger and more important than the principle of feeding baby. Suddenly, pressure is exerted to convince women to join the group and support a particular method.

Of course, this is not an argument that all methods are equal-they are not. Some methods are inferior to others. Rather, the point is that the methods of others are not really our business. If a friend asks for advice on a method, we may of course give it. But when sharing a method, we must remember we are not on a moral crusade.

Young Christian women are particularly vulnerable to this wrong kind of pressure. When the sisters get together they very naturally "talk shop" about children. This can provide an overzealous type quite an opportunity to apply pressure. If the young women feel inexperienced, a woman with "a strong case" for her method can exert a great influence. The young Christian woman can be made to feel that she isn't really dedicated unless she adopts "the method."

Because every family is a distinct cultural unit, it is good that our methods differ. God did not intend for us to walk in lockstep with one another. This is not altered when some families have inferior methods; we may deem their methods to be unwise. And remember, there are others, wiser than we, who see the inferiority of some of our methods! We ought to rejoice in a common commitment to biblical principles, and rejoice in the variety of methods God's people employ.

If we become overzealous for conformity to our method, strife between Christians will commonly result. I have talked to women who, because they felt strongly about one way of feeding babies, became critical toward their sisters who used a different method. This should not be! "Be at peace among yourselves" (1 Thess. 5:12-13). Certainly the women of the church ought not to be squabbling about whether or not to schedule feed their babies! Who cares? What someone else does in this regard is no one else's business. It is not a moral issue, and we have no business fighting over it.

Another example of this crucial distinction between principle and method regards education. Christians must agree with the biblical principle that parents are responsible before God for their children's education. Now if one family chooses to homeschool and another chooses to enroll their children in a Christian school, we ought not get worked up over it. If we get defensive for the sake of our method of education, we have missed the first point of the principlethat parents are responsible for their own children; they are not responsible for the children of their friends. We do not honor God if we are critical or defensive. How our friends educate or feed their children is not our concern.

The biggest danger is when people begin to think their own methods of applying biblical principles are the most spiritual, for the really committed. If we fall into this trap, then it becomes an issue of first importance for us. The result is a feeling of superiority over others who differ. This obviously leads to self-righteousness, envy, jealousy, defensiveness, and quarrels.

One benefit of Paul's exhortation to older women to instruct the younger women is that older women are not as attached to their methods. They remember their principles, and in some cases, have forgotten some of the details of their methods. As we grow in grace, may we all learn to discern the difference between principles and methods, and relax, and keep the peace, when our friends' methods are not our own.